Memoirs of A Kaydet Girl
This article was originally published in The Corps Magazine, the Philippine Military Academy’s Cadet Corps Magazine, Alumni Issue 2011. Original title: “Memoirs of A Weekend Girlfriend.”
Memoirs of A Kaydet Girl
“Nakauwi ka na ba? Musta pala iyong pinanood mong movie?”
These were the last words he sent me through SMS. It was only 2030H then and it was Saturday. It’s the 30th day of October to be exact. I thought he just fell asleep because of the exasperating activities he is doing habitually inside the academy. After an hour, I texted him again, saying,
“Sleep tight, antukin ka talga. Nga pala, wag kang masyadong malungkot dyan ah kahit mag-isa ka sa barracks. Nand2 lang ako sana hindi mo iyon maklimutan! Good night, my Indian! ^^”
Waking up from nowhere from one of my midnight sleep-awakening episodes during that night, I reached out for my cellphone, expecting a message from him. Nothing. So I just continued my sleep and thought that maybe he was just back from the routine of logging in the cellphone and so much of that what-have-you’s inside.
October 31, November 1, 2, nothing… 4 days… 5 days… 6 days… still, there’s no text from my beloved Cadet.
As time passed by, I was becoming worried and so much of being anxious since I thought he was unable to text me during those Undas days (which supposedly an “authorized” time for them to use their non-camera-owning cellular phones ), because he was punished. He said before,
“Makkpagtx lang ako ng weekends, pag holiday dto o after 2300H ng weekdays pero take life na un. Pag di nkreply, nag-log in lng, nagtago o d worst, nahuli.”
That last text of him was on a Saturday night and the following days were supposed to be their break, but he did not message me. So it came to my mind that maybe, he was caught using his cellphone during a “take life” situation while he was texting me. I was so worried and I think I was the one to be blamed, and thoughts of him staying alone inside the barracks as punishment, came to me. Worry warts were really eating my brain that time. I was really longing for him.
Then came Saturday again, he called from a different number, he was apologizing what had happened. He told me that, yes, indeed, they were unauthorized to use their phones for the whole week. I realized I was just freaking out which made me think of things way too different from what is really happening to him inside. My desire to see him, to speak with him, or at least to know that he’s okay, made me crazy. My cadet is not that too expressive, but this time was different, I can feel from his manly voice that he is really resentful for letting me feel so worried about him, or not being able to text me, at least to tell me that he’s doing fine.
Having a boyfriend who is studying inside the Academy is so much challenging. I cannot see him when I want to, if I’m so happy, or got so much pissed off because of petty things from school, I have to wait until Friday or Saturday to share with him the story, so at least I could tell him the gist of a happy or an awful encounter I had. If there is a family gathering or a simple birthday party, I cannot just fetch him from his school anytime I want to, or ask him to accompany me, because there is so much rules, protocols inside their school. Indeed, I feel like I’m only a “Weekend Girlfriend.” However, let’s do away from talking much about the downside of having a Cadet for a boyfriend; because nothing can change the fact that however difficult our situation gets, I still love him at the end of the day. What makes the relationship going? Maybe this one word: COMMITMENT. This summarizes all the words which will be mentioned below.
Now I realized that commitment is necessary in a relationship. It is not because it will give me the right or the authority to tell a person what I want to happen. It is because commitment makes me feel certain that whatever we share is going to lead us somewhere. It’s a nice feeling to enjoy being with somebody not because of who or what he is but because you can’t think of yourself in another place with another person. But a relationship goes deeper than that. And that is where commitment comes in.” -Lotis B. Soriano, The Best of Young Blood, 1999
If you really love someone, you will understand the whereabouts of his toils. Another word which comes important next to commitment is ACCEPTANCE. You have to accept the fact that you are not the only person around who makes his life revolve. Accept the fact that sometimes you cannot cuddle on a rainy evening, or watch a movie together on a cold night, or walk hand-in-hand on a beach side. Accept the fact that he will not always be there physically. He will be there when he’s free, but majority of his cadet life will be spent away from you, but the moment he’s physically there with you, you should make the most out of it.
The next important word, maybe, is UNDERSTANDING. Total understanding. He is a Cadet, nothing more, nothing less. He has rules to follow and he will always and should be doing his hourly duty. He cannot always hold or keep his phone with him at all times just to respond to your petty text messages because he has rules to follow. One of those numerous rules that they have is logging in their cellphoens during weekdays. Understand that he cannot always text you, call you, especially when your Cadet is “properly” (because mine is, and I’m proud of him because of that).
EXPAND YOUR HORIZON. You have different career paths don’t you? As for me, I’m working my brains out to graduate this March and hope that I will be able to pass the board exams with a bull’s eye. Improve yourself more so that both of you will grow. As he is inside, and you are studying or working outside, direct your love to him with the things you do, so that you will be productive and you will be successful with your own career path.
SUPPORT HIM ALL THE WAY. You have to support him with his chosen league. If you’re really serious with each other, then you have to start showing that you are one, it’s like, one heart-one mind. So it means, the failure of one is the failure of both. Support each other all the way. Sustain his strength in pursuing his aspirations in life. Isn’t it sweeter if both of you succeed in your own chosen career, and yet, you end up together? Love as they say, is bringing out the best in each other, right?
Don’t waste your time waiting unproductively. Do your own thing. Make yourself busy with things which would help you to become more triumphant.
Dearest Kaydet Girl, until the weekend comes, live to exist. Don’t feel so depressed. He loves you more than you could ever imagine.
To our Dearest Cadets (especially to my Cadet), you have so much catching up to do during the weekends, okay? So load up and make us feel loved and remembered even more. Be more expressive and communicative. Please don’t make us feel unloved by neglecting us and being lazy to text us. Tell us you love us once in a while, because we need it for another week of twinge. Do your best inside the Academy, and don’t be worried about us outside, because we know that no matter how the silence is unbearable, at the end of the day, it’s still us that you are thinking.
To my Cadet, Buga lang. Kaya mo ‘yan. I love you!