To Moving Forward

It’s been a while since my last post. Oh ‘a while’ would literally mean almost over a year. I’ve been swamped with school and work, and how my 2017 started with the death of my father really left me hanging there. I know and I’m sure it will take my whole life to accept it, and I really don’t know how to face my future without my best friend, my knight in shining armor–my father. Actually, I really don’t know how to be okay anymore.

From the day of my father’s passing, I really do not know how to pick up the pieces. I remembered my Mom, and my brother. They’re all I’ve got and I have all our lives to show them how I really love them; also, I have a loving boyfriend who stands by me all these years, and his family who loves us like their own. I am really thankful to all our friends and family (you know who you are, again, Thank You) who never left us during those times when we cannot see any light leading to a ‘tomorrow’.

This time, I want to start again with my blog with what keeps me going every single day. I’m that type of a person who writes her thoughts on a notebook/journal and actually re-read it after a while when nothing seems to be right anymore. Days passed, I found myself Google-ing motivational quotes to actually hit me through the face and keep me pumped up for at least the rest of the day. So everyday, without miss, I am actually reading quotes from Google to give me motivation for the whole day. At least, one day at a time.

Then I remembered, I have this blog, I think I could use some posts to actually use as my sounding board or receptacle to what I am going through right now.

As I write this entry, my heart is full of gratitude, especially to our Almighty God who is keeping us hopeful and who is giving us strength after all these endeavors.  I am nothing without Him, and I really won’t make it without God’s guidance.

From this day forward, I want to start sharing daily dose of motivation not just for the readers, but especially for me. At least, I want to be okay.

If you are still reading at this point, you might happen to be a close friend of mine or a person who knows me personally, or may be, someone who is also going through a rough time just like me. I hope you may find this useful.

I will start off with this quote,

“The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide you’re not going to stay where you are.” — John Pierpont Morgan

I just lost my hero, my father. But that doesn’t keep the fact that I still have another parent to love. I know that my Dad loved us so much, he did everything to give us a better life, and protected us from every possible pain we might ever encounter. I don’t know how to be okay, or how to accept this reality of not actually seeing my Dad when I go home, but I realized, maybe, God had him retire from this life because he had already completed his mission–that is to love us and dedicate his entire life giving us a comfortable life. My dad was the greatest hero I will ever have, I love him so much and I still think and dream about him.

My Dad is now resting in heaven. But my Mom is still with us, and I love her, too. She did everything to take care of my Dad until his last breath, and I am thankful because she never gave up. She guides us through the path of healing. I thank the Lord for having a tough Mom, and I want to show to her how much she means to me.

The quote says enough. The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide you’re not going to stay where you are. True enough. I don’t want to stay here and mourn about my father’s death, instead, I want to celebrate because I had a loving Dad who fought the toughest battles for his family. I want to remember my Dad laughing, fetching me from school or from the Hospital after my shift’s done, or being on a long ride, him being the driver which means I’ll have a pretty sound sleep, knowing that my Dad was driving the whole time. I want to remember him with that dimples on his cheeks when he smiles, and with his warm and reassuring hugs that everything will be alright. I want to remember his daily messages telling me to take care always–I mean literally, everyday he did that; or not to eat a lot of icecream because if I do, my throat might sore. I want to remember how I learned how to play the guitar when I was 13 because, hell yeah he was some kind of a pro every time he strung that guitar; or how I learned to drive a manually driven car because he told me, only a few girls can drive a manually operated car and he said, he would be so proud if I am one of those few genius ladies who can blend the clutch and the gas pedals while driving on a hill. I want to remember his faith and trust on me. He was the first person who believed in me, who wrote my first dreams, who made me feel like I can always be better, and I am worthy of being someone.

I know that I will never see his face anymore, but I know he is just around watching us from above.

Thank you so much, Pa, for everything. I promise, not to stay like this. I promise to move forward, and continue all the dreams you have for me. I promise we will take care of Mama. I love you so much, Pa. Sending all my love to you in heaven.
From Your Only Daughter,  Kim

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