The Break-Up Story
Chapter 2: The Art Of Moving On
Sitting by the doorway of my veranda connecting to my room, I grabbed the hot cup of coffee which I transferred in a wide-mouthed mug, I just let my skin feel the heat from the sun rays while holding my mug with both hands; and just let my palms feel the warmth of it, as I smell that distinct aroma. I realized, this day, I know I’m whole again.
Weeks have passed since I decided to move on, and get back on my feet. However impossible it was to survive a single day, I tried. I wasn’t sure if I will be able to get there, but I know for a fact I will. I cried my heart out, and just let myself feel that sharp and throbbing pain coming from my chest, radiating to my arms and gut, because the thought of you leaving is what I dreaded ever since.
This time, I realized you will no longer be with me, because I know, I am not your happiness. Looking back from all the things we did, and all the memories we shared, I know this may also give you pain, however difficult it is, I’m sure, you will no longer look for my comfort.
My life has been meaningful while I was with you, but thanks to all the pain I got, and the tears I shed, because now, I can see clearly. You were not the man for me, and this time, I’ve already accepted it.
What helped me moved on? I can’t really recall. What I did was to take one day at a time. One day at a time to feel that excruciating pain I got from breaking up with you. One day at a time to smile, no matter how difficult it was, I still did. One day at at time to put away all the things which reminded me of you, and one day at a time to feel stronger as I try to survive one day at a time.
Days have passed, I didn’t notice how the days gone so swiftly. I never intended to make others think I was not affected by our break up, but I just promised myself, I never want to be alone physically, as I try to forget you. So I decided to surround myself with people. I let them decide where to eat, what to do, or where to go. Because without them, I won’t be able to have any direction. We never talked about it because I asked them not to. I just faked my smiles, joined them with their loud laughters, and wore that party hat. Because I believe, no matter how difficult others will understand, I believe that I don’t owe anybody any explanation on how to fix myself. I just wanted to be okay.
Every single day I tried, no matter how difficult it was. I faked my smiles and laughters. I decided to be okay, and just keep on faking it…. until I made it… and now, I’m whole again…
Above photo from it’s me neosiam via pexels.com