To The Person Who Broke My Heart

The Break-Up Story

Chapter 1: The Day I Got Over You

Chapter 2: The Art of Moving On

Chapter 3: Where Do Broken Hearts Go?

Chapter 4: To The Person Who Broke My Heart

Remembering that today is supposed to be our anniversary, admittedly, I feel a little bit of sadness. I was so resentful by the fact that all the uttered words and promises were only turned to lies and total dishonesty. Then again, my heart pounded so hard, with my hands shaking a little bit.

As I was looking for my journal, I passed through my life-sized mirror, and then I saw myself. I’ve gotten a little bit thinner, my eyes are growing old, and each circle has gotten even darker. I passed by the mirror looked at myself with a wooden face. It came to me, I was lost in a sea of nameless faces. What a disaster. Honestly. I need to take care of myself a little bit more.
As I reached for my journal on the topmost part of my shelf, something fell from above, it tapped my head slightly, and down it goes to the floor. It was a picture. It was a picture of us. When there was still “you and me.” ‘Another object to burn,’ I babbled.

I got back to my study table, opened my drawer and found some pieces of stationery I used to write my thoughts on, when we were still exchanging letters. With our picture together, and the stationery aside, the mood of writing you got into me. I just want to let you know everything I’m going through. I don’t have the intention to send it to you, or I might, but I will decide on that later on.

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So I started writing…

20XX August 21 Friday1645H
Dear Ex ,

A few years ago, incidentally, we met. Looking back, I never imagined we would ever be in a relationship, because we were only friends then, who enjoyed the company of each other. Then we started a life together, but now, we ended up broken and frail. (I don’t know with you, but honestly, I am really having a tough time right now.)What I could tell you is that I would never regret the day I met you. Because then, I met one great love. I don’t want to conclude that all we have was difficult and bitter moments, because honestly, I really thought you were already “The One,” especially when we were only starting; and everyday we have were only days of bliss.

When we were still together, I dread the thoughts of us separating or breaking apart … before, those were my thoughts of fear, but, right now, it turned into a painful reality. I am not saying that I love the idea of us breaking apart , because even if you cannot see it, I am really just holding on to the idea that I’m going to be okay soon. Every day is a struggle. Every day I keep on convincing myself that it will soon get better. However difficult it is, I’m trying, day by day.

I am writing you this letter because I want to thank you. Thank you for having known you, because I know once in my life, I had the opportunity to experience being with a kind-hearted person like you. Thank you for all the times we shared because for me, those days were the best days, yet. Even if those times will only stay as memories, still, thank you.

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Thank you for letting me love you, because I learned how to be selfless. Thank you for breaking up with me because I learned the pain of loss. Thank you for the depth of pain I am experiencing now, because I know it is also the depth of love I could give to the person I will ever love again.

Lastly, thank you for everything. I may not be able to be with you to witness your dreams turning into reality, somewhere beneath the clouds and the mountains, and from a thousand miles away, I will always pray for you so the desires of your heart will be realized.

Even if our relationship has reached its separate crossroads, I know everything happens for a reason.

For everything, thank you.

Above photo fromTobi via pexels.com

Continue Reading: When Letting Go Is The Only Choice

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Where Do Broken Hearts Go?

The Break-Up Story

Chapter 1: The Day I Got Over You

Chapter 2: The Art of Moving On

 Chapter 3: Where Do Broken Hearts Go?

Whew. What a long day. I got back to my room without the intention of doing anything at all. I changed my clothes to my usual comfy Pjs and turned my radio on, with its maximum possible volume. I made sure my veranda is tightly closed so that my neighbors will not be disturbed by my loud music.

As I hear my make-me-feel-good song, Over You (Daughtry), my favorite song, at least for now, I just let my heart out and try to relive every word in it. I no longer care. I just sing as loud as possible until I can’t hear my voice anymore with its loudness.

♩ ♪ ♫ ♬

Well, I never saw it coming.

I should’ve started running

A long, long time ago.

And I never thought I’d doubt you,

I’m better off without you

More than you, more than you know.

♩ ♪ ♫ ♬

I never imagined myself liking this alternative kind of music but it really helped me get by every idle hour I have—alone by myself. Singing this song helped me become more huge and powerful.
Days gone by, I managed to survive every single day even without the company of my friends, because I know they also have errands to do, not just to take care of me. I got used to being with the company of my own self and I enjoyed every moment of alone time.

I sat down for a while, faced my study table and grabbed my journal. I scanned the pages and I saw my scribbles: my first name in his last. What-might-have-been my future name if I were to marry him in the future. What a jerk. Without even thinking, I tear off the page, crumpled it until I couldn’t give any more strength from my fist. I tried to do it again, until I attempted to tear it apart one part after another. Upon reaching my satisfaction to its very end, I flushed the pieces of paper down the drain—without looking back.

In my journal I started a new page, I wrote the usuals. The date today, the day, and the time. I begun with. “Where Do I Start From Here?” I thought of using bullets as my guide to a wonderful life celebrating my independence . I realized, Yay! I’m finally free! Free from the stress you were constantly giving me. Free from all those sleepless nights when I cry myself to sleep. Free from emotional harassment and the physical pain I felt right from the heart continuing through out my whole chest. Free from the thoughts of you hurting me again, with countless arguments we had when we were still together.

I started thinking what to write, then suddenly I realized that after this painful break-up, I only have two choices. It’s either to stay broken, or to start a new life. I chose the latter. So I started writing, #1 START A NEW LIFE. I know, everything will be new to me because you are no longer a part of my future plans. But that’s fine, because I now believe, I’m better off without you.
I continue to write and here’s what I ended up with:

20XX August 19 Thursday 1730Where Do I Start From Here?#1: START A NEW LIFE

      • Collect all his stuff and , or burn them! Oh and Clean my room.
      • Rearrange everything in my room!
      • Buy something new for my room (a vase, a poster, something new!) Oh, don’t forget to buy scented
      • candles!
      • Have a haircut
      • Treat myself in my favorite restaurant
      • Foot spa, Mani-Pedi
      • Bring out the artist in me (buy water-based paint and canvass and try painting using my barehands)
      • Why not… Adopt a puppy?
      • Finally enroll in postgrad
      • Short Course?
      • Travel Alone! First Destination: ______
      • Buy a new set of make-up, experiment; You Tube Tutorials)
      • Buy a new dress
      • Clean my closet
      • Start reading!
      • Collect something from now on
      • Visit Mom and Dad
      • Talk to a long lost friend
      • Start jogging?
      • Volunteer!
      • Watch a Movie Alone
      • Divert!
      • Divert!
      • Divert!

    I don’t even know where to start because I want to speed it up so that I could be better in a faster, unimaginable time. At first, I thought I want to get back on you for every pain you caused me, but later on I realized, it’s not worth it… for now, I will focus on becoming better. I want to gain myself back. I want to become what I might have been if I haven’t loved you. I want to become better again, and I want to start a new life free from the pain of the past.

    Above photo from Garon Piceli via pexels.com

    Continue Reading: To The Person Who Broke My Heart

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The Art of Moving On

The Break-Up Story

Chapter 1: The Day I Got Over You

Chapter 2: The Art Of Moving On

Sitting by the doorway of my veranda connecting to my room, I grabbed the hot cup of coffee which I transferred in a wide-mouthed mug, I just let my skin feel the heat from the sun rays while holding my mug with both hands; and just let my palms feel the warmth of it, as I smell that distinct aroma. I realized, this day, I know I’m whole again.

Weeks have passed since I decided to move on, and get back on my feet. However impossible it was to survive a single day, I tried. I wasn’t sure if I will be able to get there, but I know for a fact I will. I cried my heart out, and just let myself feel that sharp and throbbing pain coming from my chest, radiating to my arms and gut, because the thought of you leaving is what I dreaded ever since.

This time, I realized you will no longer be with me, because I know, I am not your happiness. Looking back from all the things we did, and all the memories we shared, I know this may also give you pain, however difficult it is, I’m sure, you will no longer look for my comfort.

My life has been meaningful while I was with you, but thanks to all the pain I got, and the tears I shed, because now, I can see clearly. You were not the man for me, and this time, I’ve already accepted it.

What helped me moved on? I can’t really recall. What I did was to take one day at a time. One day at a time to feel that excruciating pain I got from breaking up with you. One day at a time to smile, no matter how difficult it was, I still did. One day at at time to put away all the things which reminded me of you, and one day at a time to feel stronger as I try to survive one day at a time.

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Days have passed, I didn’t notice how the days gone so swiftly. I never intended to make others think I was not affected by our break up, but I just promised myself, I never want to be alone physically, as I try to forget you. So I decided to surround myself with people. I let them decide where to eat, what to do, or where to go. Because without them, I won’t be able to have any direction. We never talked about it because I asked them not to. I just faked my smiles, joined them with their loud laughters, and wore that party hat. Because I believe, no matter how difficult others will understand, I believe that I don’t owe anybody any explanation on how to fix myself. I just wanted to be okay.

Every single day I tried, no matter how difficult it was. I faked my smiles and laughters. I decided to be okay, and just keep on faking it…. until I made it… and now, I’m whole again…

Above photo from it’s me neosiam via pexels.com

Continue Reading: Where Do Broken Hearts Go?

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The Day I Got Over You

 

The Break-Up Story

Chapter 1: The Day I Got Over You

As I remember it vividly, thoughts from the past dawned on me, and had me pull over my sheets and attempted to curl my knees directing it to my whole heart, hoping not to feel that pain again. Thanks to the cool temperature of my AC, I almost had my flashback perfect as I feel the chill penetrating deep inside my bones, as if I am inside a cold and dark dungeon. As I try to remember it, I thought I wasn’t ready, but thanks to all the days I was just getting by; and those months I tried to bury every hurt that thrust my heart every now and then, because then, I’ve gotten perfectly strong and insurmountable.

The -5degC frostiness of my room woke me up, I tried to relax and just let my feelings drift me away. I was expecting to cry for a while, but this time, I wasn’t in the mood to cry again… because this time was different. I stretch my arms and legs and as I try to feel my heart beat, I wasn’t sure I was fine, but I still got up from my bed, turned off the AC, and pulled the curtains of my veranda to see the sun shining and feeling its heat right in my face.

As I see the same men down the building from my 4th floor hotel room, having their regular morning exercise, the wind blew my cheeks. As it flies my hair away from its place, I started to feel again. I thought, this time was different. I thought, this time it will only be me. A world full of colors and happiness as I try to put you aside and lock you behind the bars of the past. This time, this life is about me, and this time, it just occurred to me that the future belongs to me, without you in it.

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As I smell the coffee brewing from my handy coffee press, I smell tomorrow as if I am huge, and indestructible. Remembering all the thoughts which made me stayed between being alive and being dead, I realize you really do not belong to me anymore, and that’s fine. Because this time, myself belongs to me.
As I drink the caffeine, slowly tasting its very taste, I tasted bitterness and sweetness which made me think that this is really what I need. Fusing two entities of positivity and negativity, and getting used to it as I try to get back on my feet.

This time, I woke up, and I just realized, I just got over you.
The dayI got over you….
…is the day I stopped thinking of our future together
…is the day I stopped hoping about us
…is the day I think of you without being hurt
…is the day I think of related things about you, but it doesn’t hurt anymore
…is the day I can think of things without thinking of you
…is the day I can think clearer about my future without you in it
…is the day I woke up, and I’m happy again

Above photo from Trinity Kubassek via pexels.com

CONTINUE READING: The Art of Moving On

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5 Things Every Woman Wants From Her Partner

So there’s this girl who kinda caught your heart and finally you got her sweet answer and she became your girlfriend/wife… but then you noticed she changed a bit, and suddenly she became too demanding of your time and attention or worst, she became unattached or withdrawn from you.

Out of the blue you asked yourself, ‘what went wrong?’ Maybe at this point, you need to know that subconsciously, women have needs… needs which should be met only by her one and only Knight in shining armour; and if these needs are constantly met, you will live happily ever after, again.

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5 Things Every Woman Wants From Her Partner

1. Reassurance

Every woman needs to hear from time to time that they are loved. Women need this constant reassurance that your love for them never changed, even after having been together for quite some time, and even after giving birth to your kids. This is a bit awkward especially to married couples because in time, they lost the habit of saying those words, “I love you,” because for them, it already sounds corny; but hey! It’s never too old to be lovey-dovely in love and expressive again. Maybe this is what you’ve been needing to do to make the relationship sparkly again.

I hate how much reassurance I need that you aren’t going to leave.

2. Consistency

When you’ve been dating for quite some time, the tendency is you only approach your partner with these sweet gestures when you need something from them, or when you want them to do something for you. Like sending the mail, or dropping the bills. You kinda need to change that because women easily give up on someone when they don’t feel consistency from the person. Show them that you are still the man of their dreams whom they’ve decided to be with, years ago. Never fail to show them that you love them on a regular basis, not just when you need help from them.

Relationships end too soon because people stop putting the same effort to keep you as they did to win you.

3. Appreciation

Like men, women also want to feel that their effort is appreciated. Whether you say it’s your wife’s job to prepare for breakfast every morning, it’s always nice to know that all gestures are appreciated, because hey! Who wants to cut her sleep short just to get up before the sun rises only to cook your breakfast? So, the next time you were awakened by the aroma of your favorite coffee, or by the noise of the kitchen, get up and kiss your wife, good morning.

4. Attention

A woman needs to know they are beautiful in the eyes of their man. That’s why they are always up to date when it comes to fashion, or the latest make up kit from Nars or what-have-you’s out there; because they want you to see that after uncountable years of being together, they are still the prettiest, and fairest of them all based on their man’s judgment alone. So tell her she’s beautiful once in a while.

PAY ATTENTION TO HER!

When a woman is “tripping” she cares.
When a woman is “mad” she believed in you and you let her down. When she’s “asking questions” she is trying to gain clarity. When she’s quiet and letting things “slide” she is giving up. And when she’s not doing any of the above just know you lost a good woman. -Fb/AwesomeQuotes

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5.Encouragement & Support

Nothing else comes sweeter and motivating than getting your constant push from the one who means the world to you. Even if you’ve been together for quite some time, and your partner already knows your plans, how you think or how you strategize, it’s always nice to know that they support you, even after all these years. Not just because he is trying to get your attention like what he used to do when he was only courting you, but because he believes that right now, facing the world together means your successes and failures are his own, too.

BE A BOSS
DATE A BOSS
BUILD AN EMPIRE
-luxquotes

Above photo from Leah Kelley via pexels.com

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8 Things Only A Military Wife/Girlfriend Will Understand

When you are in a military relationship, chances are, you are always being asked by your friends what it really feels like loving someone who is a thousand miles away from you, and chances are, no matter how you explain your thoughts and feelings to them, they will never understand you, unless they’ll experience it firsthand.

In behalf of the minority, and representing the “silent” background of the strife, allow me to share with you this reality, and what it really feels like loving a Soldier.

1. Frustrated

Nothing can change the fact that you are always the second (or third) priority in his life, because his duty will always be the first one (his family is second, unless you are already his family), until the very end of his service. You cannot complain why he is away, because after all, you are not his priority, and no matter how you want to be with him, chances are, you will always end up frustrated by the window pane, cuddling your cadet doll.

2. “Waiting in Vain”

You always turn your phone to its maximum possible volume plus turning the vibration setting on before you go to bed, because you won’t want to miss his call during the night, (and you also do not know what time he will call, that is).

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3. Unanswered Text Messages Makes You Oh-so Sad 😦

Whether at work or at home, or even during your ride home, or just whenever, you practiced the habit of checking your phone every now and then with the hope of seeing his name in the lock screen; because maybe, just maybe, you haven’t felt your phone vibrating, when he texted you awhile back, so you’re just making sure. But still, no text, so you go back to experiencing #1 and #2.

4. Challenged

Nothing will change the fact that your partner is a Soldier, fighting for the peace and order of the Nation. He is a property of the Government, so you know that when duty calls him, he must go. No more buts. Accept it or not, you don’t own him totally.

5. Deprived Of Sleep

This, too. You know you have to answer his call, even during your hospital duty, or office work, or during an important office meeting, or even during the wee hours of sleep, because you know that if you won’t answer, chances are, you might hear his voice again a week or two, later (when he passed the place where the phone signal is available). Sad to say, but it has gotten “ordinary” for military wives  and girlfriends to be always looking “Puyat” (deprived of sleep).

Read More: 5 Values Every Couple Should Share For Their Love To Last: A Military Man’s POV

6. Fearing the Unknown

This is true when he is still starting in the service. No excuses, but he should go to places where he will really hand out the M-16, load it up, and exercise the art of war. (I cannot specify any further how they really are when they’re out in the woods). So during his time in the field, you know very well that his one foot is already stepping on his own grave, and the other fighting for the nation, so you cannot do anything about it, but to become more of an Amazona, trying to win back your whole heart and whole being despite the fear, hoping to become even braver to accept the reality (of losing him, any time).

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7. That feeling of Ugh-nnoyance when a friend or office mate of yours complains that she hasn’t seen her boyfriend yesterday, or even a week at that. –This, right?

How about us? We haven’t seen them in like… forever! But we hold our commitment and we stay true with our promise, that we will stay in love, and will always choose to love them, with or without appearance, or a phone call.

8. Special

You know that no matter how tough your situation gets, you know very well that you are one of a kind, right? The type who doesn’t belong to the ordinary. Who needs a Prince Charming when you’re in love with a Soldier? The person you are loving is already a great person with character, the bonus part is, he is also wearing a uniform of honor, and prestige, and you get to love and accept the both, plus the highs and the lows of it, of course.

If you are a military Wife or a Girlfriend, or a friend of one, please feel free to share this for others to understand, TYSM! 🙂

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5 Values Every Couple Should Share For Their Love to Last: A Military Man’s POV

I know a military man who is currently in a long distance relationship who already hurdled some 7 years of peaks and valleys of it up until now. I was really stunned by his answers when I got to ask him what he thinks is keeping the relationship steadfast. He said he believes that in order for a relationship to keep sailing, the couple should have the following values to share:

1. FAITH

The most important thing he said that a couple should have, above everything else, is FAITH. The couple should share the same faith because it will be the foundation of their relationship. Love is just a part of faith, because in faith, it includes everything there is to know about love. Faith, not love conquers all.

2. RESPECT

This is the ultimate gesture you could show to prove that you really love each other; because as time goes by, and as the relationship goes deeper, you may reach the point of total familiarity. Even when you pass a year or a decade being together, you should not lose the respect that you had when you were in getting-know phase.

3. INTEGRITY

Actually, I really did not understand what he meant when he said it’s also important to have integrity in a relationship. I searched, and integrity means: “choosing your thoughts and actions based on values rather than personal gain.” (Google) Wow. This word really means a lot if you really consider it to be a must-have in your relationship. (Remember the CIL in PMA? That’s where he gets this third entry. Lol)

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4. TRUST

They say the best proof of love is trust. So when you are in a relationship, you know you have to trust each other because if you won’t, you can never be happy.

“Relationships are about trust. If you have to play detective, then it’s time to move on.”

5. OPEN COMMUNICATION

I agree with him when he said you should have constant and open communication. I believe this means listening to each other’s thoughts without having any judgment. I say, this is true, because majority of the things I resent, I often share it very calmly with my Significant Other. So that he will empathize and understand me. Actually, as I get the hang of our relationship, I don’t remember a time I got very angry, because I don’t believe in anger as the sole solution to a problem. I just believe in understanding and empathy. As long as you communicate your hurts or side about something, I think there will never be any problem with the both of you.

Every relationship has its own ups and downs. It’s in your hands if you want it to become successful. Remember, every couple wants to sail on the ocean, but only a few make effort for the relationship to work, while the majority just waste away in the desert.

DISCLAIMER: The man I am referring to in this article is no other than my Significant Other. I made this article 2 years ago, until now, we’re still happily in love, and even got engaged recently. Hehe Kudos to these 5 pointers!

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9 Reasons Being A Military Spouse Is The Toughest Job In The Military

“It’s not enough that we do our best; sometimes we have to do what is required.” -Winston Churchill

A military wife goes through a lot of things but chooses to keep it to herself because she doesn’t want to bother her family or friends, after deciding to marry the love of her life, who happens to be in the military. That’s why, those emotions and thoughts were only kept unsaid and remained as secrets that only those who go through it could understand. Nevertheless, here are some of the things which justify why being a military spouse is the toughest job in the military.

9 Reasons Being A Military Spouse Is The Toughest Job In The Military

1.

Parenting. Especially if you’re a first time Mom, even if you’ve tried baby sitting before, this time, it will be different, because it’s your own kid who is on the plinth. Not only the baby care itself, but when your kids start to comprehend, you are left to answer difficult questions like, “Where does Dad sleep?” or “When is Dad coming home?”

2.

Budgeting. A military spouse should be savvy when it comes to money because she has no other choice. She is left in the house to dole out what is left from all the loans, and expenses they got when they started their married life. What’s left is what she will budget or manage until the next allocation comes.

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3.

Quick-house fixes. Sometimes, when there is a plumbing-problem situation in the sink, or the screen door was suddenly detached from your backdoor, there’s no other way but to grab the plunger to unclog the sink, and buy new pair of hinges and drive the screws to reattach your screen door tightly. ‘Cause if you won’t, who will?

4.

Problematic Situations. You cannot avoid problems even after you’ve tied the knot, because it is inevitable, and it’s a part of life. However, sometimes it’s not the problems that weigh you down, but it’s the bitter fact that your better half is a thousand miles away from you. Even though you want to scream, cry, or just want to let it all out, you have no choice but to hold it together while your hubby is away fighting in a really dangerous place.

5.

Your career. Most of the time, the spouse is left with no choice but to give up her own career, especially during the start of their married life. This is a bit saddening but being a military spouse entails that you should take care of your kids and manage the house solely. Even if you can ask someone to take care of the kids, still, nothing compares to the hands-on care and motherly love you could ever give to your children.

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6.

A sudden change of address. This is true to all military families whose Dads need to transfer from a place to a new one for a long period of time. This is quite tough because it implies that you need to change schools, friends, house… everything. Not only tough physically, and emotionally, but also, financially because you need to start all over again turning your new house to your very own, yet another home.

7.

Lonely nights. There are no exact words which you can use to describe how you miss your husband so much, and how his touch, hug or a simple tap on your shoulder from him could give you the assurance that it’s all going to be okay after all your failed efforts and sad days without him… and let me say it… of course, your bed time moments.

8.

Sudden seafaring. Being a wife of a military man means you need to get used to sudden calls from your husband asking you to bring the kids to insert the place where your husband is deployed because he can’t come home, and there’s a family activity you need to attend. Again, tough, but exciting.

9.

The Military Community. Most of the time, you have no ‘civilian’ friends who could understand your toils, and you always end up keeping it all together. But gladly, as the year adds up, you get to meet new people from the same page who could understand you and help you with things only your group could ever understand. Sometimes, their presence is an assurance that military life is somewhat possible because someone came out alive from your current situation.

Not everything in life comes easy. It will always depend on you how you react or survive from it. Military life won’t get easier if you look at the obstacles that block your attention to real contentment. I say, it is not a chore, or a work, hence, it should be considered as a lifestyle that you should get used to in order to come out cheerfully and blissfully after all the sacrifices.

“Love is a kind of military service.” -Latin Proverb

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A Holiday Spent in The Camp: The Military GF Experience

“Happiness isn’t something you experience; it’s something you remember.” -Oscar Levant

A Holiday Spent in The Camp: The Military GF Experience

This is a long story so buckle up, and prepare the popcorn.

Contextual definition:
* BOS: Branch of Service
* Sancho– our code for: The boyfriend, who is an Army Soldier
* “KM” -Military Vehicle
* BDA: Battle Dress Attire (the uniform the soldiers use during combat, or during ordinary day)
* Company: a single unit belonging to a battalion
* “Area” – the place where the soldiers were deployed, usually a remote area where there is no electricity, yet
* Leftists– people whose ideals are not the same with the Government; those who fight for their rights which often lead to bloody encounter
* “operation”: combat between the military and the rebels

EI:
* BF’s BOS: Army
* Area: Highlands
* Weather: Cold and Foggy
* Timeline: Last week of December, 3 years ago

Then the story begins…

First of all, I don’t really have the intention to visit my Army man in his workplace, because after all, I don’t have any business to do there, right? But I realized, maybe, after all his countless invitation from before, this time, I think I must give it a try.
It was early in the morning when I rode the plane, ooppss… skip… 🙂

So we saw each other after 5 long months of deployment when he fetched me from the Airport. Since we were already in the City, (which means there were still stores, malls, electricity, computers, etc, in short, civilization LOL) we decided to dine out for lunch and buy some snacks and a hefty amount of ingredients for the holiday’s small year-ender party.
In the supermarket while shopping for the goods: every time I offered something to buy like bread, cookies etc, he always stopped to think if what I’ve put in the basket is enough for everybody (his thoughtful side, that is). I wasn’t expecting a lot, but actually, we ended up buying food which we cannot really personally carry comfortably, so imagine, that was really a good bulk of it.

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While we were eating our lunch, and assumed to at least rest for a while, his phone suddenly rung, and he was being asked to report back to his Battalion immediately. Have gotten used to sudden changes, I expect that we were about to do ninja moves, because I know exactly that when duty calls him, wherever he is and whatever he is doing, he must leave it. So we dashed back to his Battalion. This was totally a new experience to me, because this time, I was already going inside ‘the hard cap area.’
I wasn’t sure where to go, and I never even asked anything, I just followed. We traveled for 5 long hours via bus, and we got off in a dark side of the street where there were tryke or habal-habal waiting for passengers. We rode the habal-habal and for some twenty minutes of joy ride, we got off. Finally we reached the place where the barracks of the other soldiers was located. It was a cemented, abandoned small house with 3 rooms full of soldiers. It was a bit awkward because I was the only female there, and they were a bit surprised when they saw me.
I thought we were going to stay there until the morning but during midnight, he woke me up. He told me to hurry up because the vehicle was already waiting for us. I have no choice, I changed my clothes, wore my shoes, got my backpack, and dashed to the toilet at least to brush my teeth and wash my face with water. I wiped my face dry with paper towel and fired up to wear my glasses. Hastily, I went outside the barracks, and true enough, the military vehicle (KM) was out and about; yet, we were the only ones they were waiting for.

When I glanced back to the vehicle, my heart rate raised a bit, well who would’ve? Lo and behold! Ten soldiers with live arms and some sash full of bullets were there seemingly ready to shoot? But then on the other hand, I was also a bit kilig (touched) knowing that they were there to protect me. Of course, I got more kilig when I saw my man wearing his BDA. (Haha How cute.) 🙂

I got back to my senses when he asked me to sit in front of the vehicle asking me to wear the heavy bulletproof vest, and he even had his M-16 ready when he sat beside me. I don’t have any choice, do I? So I wore the vest which I think was 2/3 my weight, LOL, and sat beside him, sharing a spot which is supposedly for a single person only. I wasn’t sure where to go, but I think it took us an hour to reach the Battalion Camp.

So we met their honorable Battalion Staff, and of course their Head, their very kind and accommodating Battalion Commander. Of course, I won’t mention their names for security purposes; but if I could, then I must; because the truth was they were really accommodating. Sancho was the lowest ranked Officer in there, but they managed to converse with me even if they had a choice not to. Originally I remained inside the KM and want to just wait for the troops to come back, but the BatCom asked Sancho to call me for midnight snacks, at least. Then they asked me to sit with them, in their dining table, and offered me a slice of cake. While Sancho was receiving instructions from the other Officers, I was being entertained by the other Officers together with the BatCom himself. **This is one of the many things which made me changed my past views about battalion commanders and other military upperclassmen, I thought they were really unapproachable, chilly, or aloof, but in contrary, they were actually very friendly.

It was midnight, and they ordered Sancho to have us be escorted back to his area, because it was a bit dangerous. I thought everybody will be back in the KM, but to my surprise, they huddled in a big circle, then a Soldier led a prayer. I was really touched, even if I cannot really comprehend the words, I know in their own unuttered prayers, they were asking for His Divine Intervention to guide and protect them.

Just when I sat back to our original seat, I remembered someone told me before that it is a menace to be escorted by a KM because most of the time, the vehicle is being ambushed by the leftists. My heart skipped a bit, and I felt butterflies in my stomach. I got really nervous. I might be dead anytime. LOL. Then he asked me if I was alright, and asked me to wear the vest again. He said we were only going to travel for a short time to reach his area.

Then we started traveling. It was so dark, and we did not experience any flat and steady road. The entire trip was so bumpy. Not only rocky, but also muddy. As we traveled, nobody in the front seat was talking, neither the driver (who is also a Soldier, with his own M-16 on the side), nor Sancho. I want to talk but I couldn’t find any correct words to utter. It was so dark and cold. Although the windshield of the KM was so husky, still, I could feel the cool breeze kissing my cheeks and blurring my eyes.

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The silence of the two men seated beside me was deafening, and I could only focus my attention to the sound of the water which is 2-feet high as we passed by that road. Then we passed through a trail where all I could see was an area full of grass. I was amused when the meadow’s height was higher than the KM. They simultaneously waved as the air gushed towards us, as if they were waving goodbye as we passed by them. I wasn’t sure where we were, but actually I saw some small houses with lamps, but there were a few, and the darkness ruled the place.
The “short” trip Paul told me was actually about 4 lengthy hours. My sitting bone (coccyx) was aching because we only shared one seat, even my back was painful; my knees were also nagging, because they hit the vehicle’s front compartment as we traveled along the bumpy road because I was only sitting on the edge… and oh… my left hip bone was crying for help, because the edge of the tool box beside me was hitting my hip every bump we bolted. I do not have any choice, and those times were a call for patience and sacrifice. Indeed, this was what I signed up for years ago when he asked me to be his girlfriend. 😛 Kidding aside, I was really lucky to experience this, and I was thankful we arrived safe and sound.

Then we came to his area. We passed by the gates, it was still dark so I cannot see anything but the light his phone was providing. He asked me not to dare get off the vehicle because it was wet and muddy. So I asked him what to do, he told me to wait. I really couldn’t see anything at all, I was disoriented, a little girl waiting for his verdict. I was only listening to the voice of the gentlemen asking for coffee, and the others laughing, as if they were only seeing each other for the first time, in a long time.
Then Sancho came to my rescue. He asked me to remove my shoes. I asked him why, he said I should stop asking questions and just follow whatever he says, I was laughing inside, actually, 🙂 those moments when I see him so serious about something, I couldn’t help but laugh, but this time, I must be in my proper behavior. I remembered that time I was their Officer’s girlfriend. I couldn’t help it, but actually what he asked me to do next surprised me. He asked me to heave on his back, the classic piggy back which we haven’t done, yet. Haha. That was awkward because the soldiers will see me for the first time… on their Officer’s back! That was so embarrassing but I was left without a choice. Too good it was still dark, and he carried me straight to a room which has 4 galloons of gas, and some pieces of military equipment. He said that was the only space available for me. So imagine a room which has been a storage place for kerosene, guns and ammo. The air I breathe in smells like gas, it caused me headache but to my awe, I forgot about it.

He asked me not to put my feet on the ground because it was muddy all over. I was curious about how the room looked like, because all I can see are the things which his phone light could only reach.

We were so tired from traveling all they long, so we decided to retire our tired bodies. Amid the cold dawn and the smell of kerosene, innocently, we managed to snooze off and bade goodbye to the world.

The heat of the sun roused me up, I woke him up and told him it was already morning and he said, it’s fine if I still want to sleep, but I couldn’t hold my bladder anymore, so I told him I have to pee. He got up, draw a pair of combat boots from the side of the bed and asked me to wear them. The boots were full of mud on each side and seemed like worn out from excessive usage. It was his size, of course, and it seemed that each shoe was heavier than my foot. Haha

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I wiped my face with wet towel and wore my glasses, to my surprise, my feet were already touching the ground! I looked at it closely, lo and behold! It was really muddy all over. The room which was built from pieces of wood and military rain coats was endowed with 1-2inch muddy floor, and some grass were growing from the foundation of the folding army bed. My bag and his were only placed on top of a plywood beneath a few rocks so that it wouldn’t touch the muddy ground. I could also see the rays peeping through the lines of the wood which served as the walls of the Macgyver-built room.

I also remembered I was smelling kerosene, but the coldness of the morning really caught my attention. Mr. Sun was already up in the sky, but its rays were underestimated by the coldness brought about by the altitude of the area. Peeping through the uneven lines of the walls, I could see mountains.

Paul asked me to bring my things because the toilet is quite far, so instead of going back to take a bath later that day, it’s practical to do it all at once. He asked me to wear shorts, because according to him, it’s even muddier outside. I didn’t bring any shorts with me, and so he offered his army shorts. So imagine I was wearing the olive green shorts, his combat boots, and my violet hoody. 😛 I wasn’t in my best appearance to meet the army men from his company, but at least, they know, I wasn’t maarte (stagey, choosy) to insist my girly look despite the situation and place we were at. LOL

We went outside the room, the fog welcomed me as I moved the military raincoat which served as our door. The soldiers were busy doing their own stuff, I know they’ve noticed me but from my observation, they were only shy to initiate conversation or a simple eye-to-eye contact. I smiled to them and greeted them a good morning. I guessed that was their queue because after breaking the ice, I looked to them and waited for their reply; they smiled back to me, and asked me if I wanted coffee. They do not know what to do or how to entertain me, maybe because, at the back of their minds, I am their Boss’s girlfriend, as I perceived it. But I was so happy because, despite that, they were very friendly and accommodating.

As we started walking out from the gates of the camp, it gets harder and harder to carry my foot one by one, because the mud gets deeper and deeper as we move past the gates. He noticed I was having a hard time, so he asked me to piggyback on him, once more. I guess I have no choice, that was the only way we could move quickly. So I did.

We passed a trail which you couldn’t almost see the path because the water from the spring is moving steadily, and it covers the whole trail, sometimes you also have to leap, jump, or walk tiptoe just to overcome the part where all you can see was water. I was amused by the ducks passing through the swamp. They were not shaken by our presence and it seemed that they were playing together.

We reached the place. It was a house of a community folk who is always in the farm, his kindness provided the company a place to do the laundry and do their personal business. Gladly, the comfort room/bathroom has a door, but it doesn’t have lock, so I used a bucketful of water to stop it from opening. After Paul washed our clothes, 🙂 we went back to the barracks.

The soldiers were happy that time because it was a holiday. It means they do not have operation or long walks and hikes in the mountains. As we were eating, I heard a sound of motorbike (habal-habal) headed towards us, and suddenly, the gates opened. It was the family of one of the soldiers. That single motorbike carried a family of 6. The driver, the mother who was carrying a newborn baby, 2 toddlers (a boy and a girl) and a teenage boy. As the soldier saw his family, it almost made me burst into tears because the soldier’s face brightened up and he almost cried as he carried his children down the habal-habal. He was very happy to see his family. I remembered we traveled almost 5 hours in a commercial bus, and almost 4 hours riding the military vehicle up in the mountains. But they only rode a motorbike together with the kids. I think that was too sacrificial, and dangerous. But their love to their Dad surpassed all the fears and troubles just to reach him.

I was overjoyed to know there were other civilians (like me) who came to the camp, and little kids, too. They joined us eating, and I was captivated by their lil rain boots each of them wore, looking very prepared to go to their Dad’s area.

I cannot forget this moment because it taught me one thing; to be able to get the most out of the lemons life is giving you. Choosing to be happy amid the hardships and sacrifices the Army life has to offer… and being able to see the sun even if it’s all foggy and rainy.

After having breakfast, Paul and I started to prepare the ingredients of our menu… **drum roll** spicy Spaghetti and Carbonara. Haha no doubt we love pasta 🙂 and so we got busy in their outdoor kitchen while other soldiers started preparing their own menu, while others butchered the swine to cook as letson. 🙂 It was my first time to see how letson was cooked “at home” where everything used were freshly picked from their mini farmville (especially the swine, it was from their own mini hogpen).

As the dusk approaches, community folks started to come over and we all started to partake all the food that was prepared for everybody.

The night was perfect, because aside from thinking I was in a dangerous place, it came to me that somehow, although it was only temporary, the civilians, the community folks and the military men gathered together in one long table without arms and without bullets being fired, and no grenade being tossed.
I don’t know where to end the story, but I think that’s all I have to say. Military life is difficult, just as I described a single night alone with them. But now, I realized, I was blessed to have someone who knows how to live a simple life, and chose to live it even if he has the expediency to choose sophistication over simplicity.

“One day we will realize that big hearts will bring us more peace than big weapons.” -Anthony Douglas Williams

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The Day He Asked

OPEN LETTER TO MY FUTURE HUSBAND

Read Back Story: The Great “TAKE LIFE” Experience

08 September 2017

Exactly a month ago, I fetched you from KIX and we went straight to this Anime area I’ve been wanting to show you esp because of this giant Gundam you were excited to see. On our way there, I asked you why you came here all the way from the Phils and besieged the tedious process of owning a Japanese Visa (and not to mention the scuffle you had before riding the plane with these edgy Immigration Officers of our beloved country); I was astonished by your answer, when you said you just want to make sure I was doing fine (after my Dad went to rest).

The moment we arrived at our destination, you saw the huge Ferris Wheel even from afar, and you told me that in Japan, “Ferris Wheel” love stories are so prevailing, and some what romantic. You asked me if we could go there. I said, fine, wala namang problema. Hehe Although I’m not quite sure if I could still take the pressure of my fear of heights. Masyado na kasing mataas iyon, this Ferris Wheel is the tallest Ferris Wheel they have here in Japan (123 meters high overlooking Expocity), but then again, what do I have to lose? I’m with the person who means the world to me; I might as well do the scariest thing I could ever imagine now that I’m with him. LOL Nagtatapang-tapangan, kasama ka naman e.

After we paid for the tickets, we went straight to the receiving area where they let you ride the cable car-ish, capsule-looking thing, I really don’t know how they call it. Haha. I was amazed because it was so clean, and it was so cold because of the capsule’s individualized air conditioning (super hi-tech naman hehe), also, they gave us ice pops for free. Lucky!

We took some selfies as soon as we rode the capsule; it was so romantic because of the twilight.

As we get higher and higher, I was so bewildered as I see the famous Tower of the Sun from Banpaku Kinen Park getting smaller and smaller as if it were the size of my thumb. I was so excited I haven’t even noticed you were talking (hahaha, I’m really sorry about that), I even had my back against you because I was trying to capture the exquisite view from the park behind us, and then when I was satisfied by the photos I’ve taken, I glanced backed at you, and there you were! Down on your knees holding a small red chest with a diamond ring on it. OMG. This was the moment where “the Earth moves normally on its own axis while the sun is slowly setting as normal as it happens everyday, but this time, with the love of my life in front of me holding a ring and asking me to marry him” kind of moment where I don’t know what to say, I don’t know how to respond, I couldn’t even hear what you were trying to say because my whole world gone mute and slow-mo, and I feel like I’m having a heart attack at that moment.

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I didn’t hear what you were trying to tell me, only the words, “Papakasal ka ba saakin?” …Then my head cleared out, I said, “Oo naman.”

It was a month ago, but only these days have I gotten my mind to process it. OMG ngayon lang nag-sink in saakin. I am going to marry you. You, my best friend, my partner in crime, my sounding board, my raison d’etre, my everything (just like what you are always telling me, that I am your everything).

First of all, I want to apologize, because at times, you might feel it isn’t a big deal to me, but I’m telling you, it is. I’m sorry for all the times I’ve been taking you for granted because of work; for a day or two not having to text you; for the nights I’ve chosen to sleep instead of talking to you on the phone; for having you wait more than a year just to see me; and for all the times I have disappointed you because of my bad decision making. I would also want to say sorry because I promised you before we will keep our relationship private, but please, just this time, let me tell the whole world this story as I remember it as if it happened yesterday. I might not be having these lengthy stories when we get old, you know.

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Second, I want to thank you for sticking around when I’m difficult to be with. You know me; how stubborn I am, how quick my temper is, you know my deepest secrets but you never judged me, you know my goals and my dreams which are some what impossible to achieve, but you always encourage me to do my best, because you believe in my potential, you believe in me.

I cannot promise a beautiful or perfect life ahead of us, because life as we know it, is difficult. But I could promise that whatever we encounter, I will always be right beside you, just like how our own parents love each other.

“Why one man rather than another? Because he was the one you met when you were 19.” I can’t remember who wrote this quote, but yes, it’s true. We met when we were 19, from then on, we couldn’t spare long enough not to see each other again; and this year we turned 27, it just gets intense, haha. I couldn’t stand the look on your face whenever we part, and I couldn’t bear the pain when I know you are shedding tears because we will be apart again for so long. (Akalain mo iyon, naging iyakin tayo) And even right now, as I write this, I can’t help but weep. I don’t know. I think we’re just so in love we can do anything just to show for it (like cry like an ugly person haha).

As we come pass the “young” age, I just want you to know that my love for you when we were 19 is still here, on a 27-year old beating heart of mine. Haha ang corny ko na, sorry. But then again, 8 days from now, we will be celebrating our 7th Anniversary, yehey! Congratulations to us! We’ve reached the point of no return. Haha I love you so much, but I love and respect your parents and family even more for without them, you will not be here. First and foremost, I thank the Lord because you were the one who made me closer to Him. You were the reason I came back to Him. Thank you.

“Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. Love never fails.” 1Corinthians13:1

Photos from that special day. <3

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