6 Challenges Military Wives Experience

Hello again! This time, we will talk about challenges that Military Wives experience. So after ng Cadetship niya, siyempre ma-deploy na sila, and later on, magiging mag-asawa na rin kayo, susulong na rin kayo sa buhay pag-aasawa.

Medyo tough ang topic na ito, so brace yourselves. Hehe

For sure, marami ring readers ng PMG na mga military wives. Question: Mahirap po bang maging Asawa ng Sundalo?

Medyo hindi ako makasagot ng tama sa tanong ng reader natin na iyan, kasi personally, hindi pa kami kinakasal hehehe. Hindi pa ako formally “Military Wife” so if you are reading this, and kung military wife po kayo, please enlighten us.

But first, here are the things na natanong ko sa mga girl friends kong married sa mga sundalo… and if you are a Military girlfriend tulad ko, malamang magandang tip na malaman na natin ‘to ngayon pa lang.

#1 LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP

When you’re living in another state or country, though, you cannot share these activities with the person you love. You can’t gaze into one another’s eyes and enjoy the pleasures of physical contact, or even share the simple joy of one another’s presence. And depending on the situation, you may not know if or when you’ll be able to see each other again. (from keepinspiringme.com)

A lot of us, especially iyong mga OFW katulad ko, nahihirapan sa communication lalo na kapag walang internet sa bundok o sa field. Sobrang nag-struggle ako sa pagka-miss ko sa kaniya nung bagong salta lang ako sa ibang bansa. Pero isipin mo, hindi na lang ikaw girlfriend, kundi ASAWA ka na niya. Your life and his life ay iisa na. Imagine mo iyan, mapapahiwalay kayo sa isa’t isa kasi nga siyempre sa duty, at sa deployment niya, karaniwan, sobrang layo pa ng assignment niya.

Mahirap minsan tumayo sa isang relationship na pakiramdam mo nag-iisa ka lang. Hehe alam ko iyong ganitong feeling kasi napagdaananan ko na ito noon, hindi ka sigurado kung kayo pa ba, kasi sa tagal na niya sa operation, halos mag-3months noon nung hindi siya nakapag-message sa akin, hindi ko talaga alam kung kami pa ba. Ang hirap lang.

Tapos, ang daming challenges sa buhay mo, tapos wala siya. Parang ang hirap magpakatatag minsan para sa sarili mo, pero ok lang iyon ha, kasi gustung-gusto naman talaga nilang umuwi, hindi lang talaga pwede o agad-agad.

#2 TAKING CARE OF THE KIDS

Siyempre, a big part of building your own family is having kids. Kadalasan, kasama mo ang asawa mo magpalaki ng mga anak niyo, lalo na iyong first time Mom, sabi ng isang friend ko, nahihirapan daw siya kasi sa kaniya lahat ng puyat and all.. Tapos hindi niya alam kung paano o ano ang gagawin kung magkakasakit ang anak, dahil nag-iisa lang siya. Maswerte na rin tayo kung nasa poder pa tayo ng mga magulang natin, o malapit lang sila, so that they too, can take part in rearing your kids. Para hindi sayo lahat ang work.

Iba na rin kasi talaga kapag may mga anak ng pinag-uusapan.. Sa palagay ko, medyo upgraded iyong challenges. Pasensiya na hindi ako makakapag-explain adequately sa bagay na ito kasi hindi ko pa naeexperience, hayaan niyo kapag may anak na ako, sasabihin ko sa inyo… hehe

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#3 BUDGETING and FINANCIAL MATTERS

Yes, admit it or not, kahit good-paying job ang pagiging isang sundalo, at dahil nga meron ka pang pinapalaking baby, hindi ka pa rin magkakaroon ng chance bumalik sa employment so dedepende ka pa rin sa sahod ni Mister. Mahirap iyong reality na ito kasi minsan hindi napapag-usapan, kasi ang sakit sa bangs bes. Haha Ang sakit pag-usapan iyong mga financial matters, iyong mga bagay na dapat talagang pinag-uusapan, hindi na napag-uusapan, iyong mga bagay na dapat ay DISCUSSION lang, nauuwi sa ARGUMENTS, hanggang sa may lilipad na na mga pinggan diyan lol. Pero joke lang po iyong pinggan, hahaha.

Pero sounds about right diba? Kasi iyan din ang sabi ng mga napagtanungan ko, lalo na iyong mga nagsisimula pa lang na military family.

#4 TRAVEL EXPENSES

Bes, ang sakit sa bangs ng abrupt buying of plane tickets, hehe kasi kailangan mo siyang puntahan. Na-try niyo na ba ‘to? Ang gastos ‘di ba? At nakaka-iyak kasi ang mahal ng days-before-your flight plane ticket. Pero walang magagawa kasi nga, ganito ang buhay ng military. Kung kelan ka niya kailangan, puntahan mo siya. Tungkulin mo iyon bilang military wife. Ikaw ang mag-aadjust para sa kaniya.

“ Absence sharpens love, presence strengthens it.”– Thomas Fuller

Ito ang dahilan kung bakit kailangan nating magkita. Hehe Kahit masakit pa iyan sa bangs, we have to see each other, kahit gaano pa kalayo ang lalakbayin ko, basta makita lang kita. Ganito kasi dapat ang love, may halong sacrifice.

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#5 UNMET EMOTIONAL NEEDS

There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds. -Lauren K. Hamilton

Alam niyo minsan iyong feeling na, kapag mag-memessage ka tapos “seen” lang niya, and kahit alam mo namang busy naman talaga siya sa trabaho or duty, siyempre masasaktan ka rin… Getting real na tayo dito, hindi na ‘to pa-tweetums ha, hehe. Siyempre may mga times na gusto natin na suyuin tayo o damayan nila tayo sa bad day natin, tapos SEEN ka lang, parang sinasabi niya e, “SORRY I’M EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE RIGHT NOW.” Di ba parang ang hirap? Pero kapag naramdaman niyo iyan, i-message niyo na lang ako. Hehe Kasi minsan talaga napagdadaanan natin iyan e.

May mga bagay na na-de-deprive ang mag-asawang military, iyong time nila para sa isa’t isa esp kapag meron talagang mabigat na pinagdadaanan, tapos wala iyong asawa mo na sasandalan mo. Siyempre, mahihirapan ka talaga. Sabi nga ng isang friend ko, dapat tatagan ko iyong loob ko dahil Military na ang buhay ko lalo na kapag nag-asawa na.

Remember: Military ang napili mong makakasama habang-buhay. Tapangan mo ang sarili mo. Kasi, sayo siya kukkuha ng strength.

#6 FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN

“You don’t just have to die for the people you love, you have to live for them, too.”

Ito na iyong isa sa pinakamasakit tanggapin, iyong takot na mawawala siya anytime. Iniisip ko pa lang, nasasaktan na ako. hehe Pero siyempre hindi natin iyan iniisip na mangyayari, kasi hindi talaga natin alam ano na ang mangyayari sa atin, pero it’s part of what we’ve actually signed up for.

Masakit tanggapin na hindi mo alam kung ano kakahinatnan ng operation nila, kung ano ang haharapin mo kinabukasan, na kapag may tumawag sayo na unknown number, hindi mo gustong iyon na iyong tawag sayo.

Pero kahit merong possibility na ganiyan, e kumapit pa rin tayo sa Itaas. Huwag magpapaapekto, lagi lang tayong mananalangin. Ang Dios na ang bahala sa atin.

Pero, lagi mo ring sasabihin sa kaniya, na hindi lahat ng Heroes nasa Libingan ng mga Bayani, kundi (at lalung-lalo na), iyong mga Sundalong nakakauwi sa kanilang mga pamilya pagkatapos ng lahat ng unos sa field.

And remember… Gustung-gusto na rin nilang umuwi. Imagine mo itong Poem na ito, palagay ko, sobrang ganito ang feeling ng mga Soldiers, na they want to spend the “morning” with their loved ones, too.

Will There Really Be A Morning

Will there really be a morning?

Is there such thing as day?

Could I see it from the mountains?

If I were as tall as they?

Has it feet like water lilies?

Has it feathers like a bird?

Is it brought from the famous countries

of which I have never heard?

Oh, some scholar! Oh, some sailor!

Oh, some wise man from the skies!

Please to tell a little pilgrim

Where the place called morning lies!

poem by Emily Dickinson

Above photo from Wyatt Castaneda from pexels.com

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&&The list goes on…. Para sa mga Readers ng PMG na military wives, pwede niyo ba kaming i-enlighten para malaman naman naming mga girlfriend pa lang, kung ano ba talaga ang pinapasok namin? hahaha Please comment or message me kung may maidaragdag pa kayo.

Pero what if…

May paraan pa? What if meron ka pang mahanap na way para mapagaan ang buhay niyong mag-asawa? Kung full-time Mom ka and lagi kang home-based, tapos kay Mister lang naka-depende ang household finances niyo, tapos may malaman kang way para mapagaan ng konti at magkaroon ka ng financial breakthrough, gagawin mo ba? CLICK TO CONTINUE READING…

 

How My Soldier BF Got Over His Loneliness After I Went Abroad

Actually, if I could go right into the gist of it, I could finish this post using a few words. LOL But of course, I won’t spoil it.

A will tell you a little background. But, if you are a follower of PMG/Proud Military Girl, you will follow through this post. But why in the first place I left him for a “greener pasture?” Actually, it didn’t just happen.

I told you in my previous post, “10+ Things To Do While Waiting For His R&R” that one of the deepest dents we had in our relationship was his first assignment.  During his Cadetship, and his month-long vacation after Graduation, I was there, and then came his deployment. He was brought to the South super far from me! First assignment, Mindanao. Typical area where Luzon Soldiers were being  deployed. I was really devastated.

I’ve tried doing stuff to keep me busy or to keep me from thinking about him, if he was doing okay, if he was eating well, and most especially, if he was safe. TBH, it made me a little crazy and paranoid. Some of the things I told you before about some things to do while waiting for his break, were actually effective–AT FIRST, but later on, after weeks of not hearing from him, I’ve decided I have to move on. I mean not from him, but from this “Kaydet Girl” Phase of my life when all I only think about was him, and his Cadetship.

This role I’ve been in during the past couple of years was actually fading. It was time to say goodbye. Right at the moment, during his graduation, he turned into a Lieutenant, yes a LIEUTENANT–not a Cadet, anymore. So this was actually a great transition of our relationship. Hindi na lang ito pa-tweetums. I have to take it seriously. I have to move on, too. Kasi siya nag-move na rin siya from being a Cadet.

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I know he was fine. He was doing okay, because he knows when he gets home, I will be there waiting for him. But things changed when I actually decided to try my luck overseas. At the early stages of my application, it was when he cannot use phones because of poor cellular site, and he was actually on endless military ops, so he wasn’t informed about it.

Then came a letter from Japan, I was actually chosen to be a part of a 4-5 year-scholarship program and I was asked to leave a couple of months on the date of approval. I was torn between pursuing my dream of becoming an experienced Nurse and my dream of marrying the love of my life. It was a dilemma. But after careful thought, of course, I was 21 years old. We were still young to get married, you know what I chose.

At first he was a bit excited for me because it’s his dream to visit this Anime Country someday, but later on he realized, how can he continue life without me? He actually said, “Sino na lang kasama ko? Sinong uuwian ko? Parang mawawalan ako ng kalahati ng pagkatao ko ‘pag umalis ka.”  I actually don’t know how to answer him. But I know, love will see us through. God will help us, I have faith in us.

The first months was actually hell. I’m sorry to use that term, but actually, I was always starting a fight. Haha. I’m super childish. He was busy being a PL, and there I was seeking for attention. But we’ve come passed it.

Then came the season of loneliness. This was the time he actually got depressed about my absence. It started when he went home from Mindanao and I wasn’t home to welcome him or be with him during his R&R. He was down in the dumps. He actually doesn’t want to go home anymore and want to forget he has R&R rights.

He was in a blue spell.

Then a message from God came and brought him back to sunshine! He actually bought a Doberman puppy and we named him, Aiki. Ai (愛)means love in Japanese, and Ki(気) means heart/spirit/mind. We just love him.

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I haven’t seen Aiki since his Dad brought him home, but actually, if God permits, I could see him in flesh next year. I’m excited to see him!

Hi Guys! This is Aiki and his Dad, holding him. Hehe Isn’t he adorable? =)

So how did my Soldier BF got over his loneliness after I went abroad to work? HE BOUGHT  A DOG. =))

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