To My Almost

We started rocky. It was one of the cliche things that happened to us. See, this isn’t the first time that we tried. The first time we failed yet when we found each other, we dared to try again, hoping that this moment will be our time. We were so optimistic that fate would favor us this time. We were happy. We were full of bliss. My day wouldn’t go by without you passing by my mind; yes, even when we were fighting, even when we weren’t in good mood.

It is so insane to miss someone whose memories are just abstract.
We weren’t the typical LDR. I am not sure if we had a relationship, even. It was the millennial thing- no label relationship. We were just talking- no, not talking per se, it was just an online banter. We talked over the phone for only more than an hour in our year-long ‘talking’ yet it meant the world to me. I was so invested in us. I was so excited for what the future holds for us even if there’s barely a present. It was very naive of me.


Everything was doing fine. I never think that everything will crumble. I told you before that if we get through this year, we will get through everything and I believed we could. I also believed that you believe we could. We agreed we will work for us, yet here we are halfway through 2017 and we’re acting like what happened for the past year is just an illusion for me. I frequently wonder what happened, how are you, does it pain you like it’s crushing me? Truthfully, I am not even mad at you. I understand you. I understand that what we had was difficult. I understand that having someone but not literally having someone is a losing battle. A battle against despair, longing and loneliness. I just hope you gave me much more credit that I would understand whatever reason you had. I’ve known you for a man who would stand by his words. I am devastated that I am wrong. Again. It saddens me that our second time was just like our first. A failure. And I know that I have my fair share of shortcomings. I was very clingy. I was bothered with all of the smallest things that I clearly shouldn’t have minded. And it consumed me. Uncertainty. Insecurity. I gladly embraced the connection I thought we had and held it so tight it might have smothered you. Or maybe this is the way of the universe to tell us that we are never meant for each other. This is my painful realization.

Goodbye and I wish you all the best.





Dearest Kaydet Girl: If He Cheats On You, You Deserve Someone Better!

“Everyone, at some point in their lives, wakes up in the middle of the night with the feeling that they are all alone in the world, and that nobody loves them now and that nobody will ever love them, and that they will never have a decent night’s sleep again and will spend their lives wandering blearily around a loveless landscape, hoping desperately that their circumstances will improve, but suspecting, in their heart of hearts, that they will remain unloved forever. The best thing to do in these circumstances is to wake somebody else up, so that they can feel this way, too.”
Lemony Snicket, Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can’t Avoid

(2018/1/9) I am writing this right now because earlier this morning, a Follower of PMG messaged me and was asking for pieces of advice. I don’t know if you are reading this, but I hope you will, sometime soon.

To give you a little background, she “was” a Kaydet Girl; she just recently ended the relationship with her Cadet Boyfriend, because she found out he was pursuing another girl.

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Sad, right? But actually, even if you think it is sad, that you’ve broken things up with the person you love, I say, you are actually beyond blessed.


Just imagine yourself with that kind of person. He already has a Girlfriend, but still pursues other women, what a horrible man! I commend you for ending it with him because at some point you will realize, you don’t deserve that kind of treatment, after all of your love and sincerity. What if you’ve forgiven him and accepted him, anyway? Chances are, he will do it again. Believe it or not, nagawa na niya dati, magagawa niya uli (He has done it before, he will do it again). I’ve read a lot of books; met a lot of people; heard a lot of stories; and one thing I observed from cheaters: forgive me from saying this, once a cheater, always a cheater. Again, I’m so sorry for saying this. (Please don’t get me wrong, some of them really changed, but majority or almost all of those people I know who cheated from their partners, actually did it again, and this time, to the one he first cheated on his girlfriend with.)


TO ALL THE GIRLS WHO WERE CHEATED ON, and TO YOU, BELOVED PMG READER: You may have heard this a lot of times, but let me say it again, “It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” Yes, I know, it could hurt so much you couldn’t almost feel your heartbeat; neither will you know you are still alive because you are only floating, nor you couldn’t see you are actually existing because all you think of, no matter how much you try to forget, is that throbbing pain you feel from the moment you wake up, not to mention every waking moment until you luckily fall asleep. I know it’s hard. But remember, ONE DAY AT A TIME. I’m telling you, it’s time to let go. One day, this will all be a memory, and you’ll be just fine. Take that deepest breath, and move on. It’s time.

TO ALL THE CHEATERS, and TO YOU CADET: If you’re going to cheat, you probably shouldn’t be in a relationship. Grow up and treat people like people instead of tools in your selfish ego workshop.

I always thought there was something romantic about fighting for someone. About winning them back, eventual happiness. But as I sit here with stones in my chest, where hope used to lie, I have come to the realization that there is nothing lovely about having to continuously convince someone to love you. SL via WordPorn

Topmost photo from Kaique Rocha via


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Caps Lock CIL: The Unrequited Love

“Cupid sometimes runs out of arrows and only shoots one person instead of two.”

Once in our life, we experience loving someone without the knowledge of the person. We know how stupid the idea is, but we cannot help but choosing loving from a distance, because, at least, from there, we could express our feelings. Here is one good epitome of someone who chose to love from afar, and hoped, at least for once, that her love will be reciprocated.

(This article was originally published in The Corps Magazine, the Philippine Military Academy’s Cadet Corps Magazine, Alumni Issue 2013. Original title: “CAPS LOCK”)


Caps Lock

by Nuela Gracia F. Posadas

As we drive along the zigzag mud, I prayed to God
to keep this off my chest. I guessed He did, at least for a while.
Maybe I am unconsciously drawn to your world.
Maybe I do too, at the very rarest of times.
I believe that I belong to you as immediate family.
And this feeling attacks when I least expect it
When I am not in my best dress, When I did not get to shower,
and when I did not have the COURAGE to tell you.
And so I go on with my routine in life
smiling when not supposed to, running countless miles
to maintain my Superman strength disguised by my stick thin body,
juggling everything is served before me,
carrying that INTEGRITY you were always preaching excessively.
I become too preoccupied to even think about it, or perhaps about myself.
And yes, one day at a time, I go on with my random life;
lazing around in the mornings, skipping meals,
sleeping until my head hurts, and thinking about you until my heart breaks.
Yes, I think about you. I think about you all the time.
I sustain my LOYALTY to you even if I don’t have to,
even if there seems to be no apparent reason.
You, instead, go on with your life unaware of the single soul
wide awake on your lower bunk,
writing this note for the source of her unreciprocated love.
You go on…
You go on without the slightest idea.


“At least even for a little while, I was the reason behind your smile.”

Above Photo via

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9 Warning Signs Your Cadet Isn’t Serious About You

This is a response to our reader who wants to know if this certain Cadet is really serious about her

I’m not an advocate for busting someone or anything doing negative stuff just to prove a point, but this time, for the sake of our reader, I want to talk about this topic

I have a lot of thoughts about this, because, I know a lot of ladies who were brought to sudden heartbreak because the man they think were serious about them, were actually just fooling around.


I don’t intend to hurt someone, but these things are actually happening based on what my friends experienced (after interviewing some of my friends and acquaintances). If you know you have someone who loves you so much, please don’t read this. But then, if you have second thoughts about your Cadet, I hope this might help.

So here are the things you should note when you are having second thoughts:

1. He doesn’t message you regularly

Cadets do have a schedule when it’s okay to use the phone or not, they have their Schedule of Calls everyday, but during weekends, I think they have authorized time to use their phones.

First warning: If the Cadet doesn’t message you during weekends. Kunyari ‘di ka na niya minessage last week, sabihin mo nang may duty siya or something like that, then maghintay ka for next week, tapos ‘di na naman siya nag-message.

NOTE: Kung gusto ka niya talaga, kahit may duty pa iyan, magmemessage iyan sayo, gagamit ng ibang phone or magtitake life para sabihin na wag kang mag-alala kasi ok lang siya at busy lang talaga siya.


2. He messages or calls you at the wee hours of sleep

This might sound sweet or something like that, pero isipin mo na lang, hindi ka minimessage during the weekends which is authorized na oras, tapos after TAPS (unauthorized na iyong paggamit ng phone), bigla na lang siyang tumatawag sa’yo? This will only mean one thing: Hindi nagrereply sa kaniya or hindi sinasagot tawag niya ng girl na gusto niya talaga. So second option, hanap ng ibang pwedeng makausap, mapalipas na lang iyong oras habang naghihintay kay girl. Gosh.

3. During general Priv outside PMA, he tells you he didn’t ask for priv because he has something to do

What would be that “something” ‘e kung Kadete ka, the only thing you look forward to is PRIV. Tanungin niyo sa mga Cadets na kilala niyo. Hehe Siyempre this is the only time na makaksama nila iyong love ones nila during Civis mode, o kaya sa labas ng PMA, why wouldn’t he ask for priv if pwede naman? Diba? Baka meron siyang ibang plans with other person.

4. He doesn’t invite you to occasions inside PMA

Part of being in love is showing the one you love your “natural habitat” LOL or your whereabouts, I mean kung saan ka nag-aaral, saan ka nagwowork, especially kapag merong okasyon, at pwede namang mag-invite ng bisita. Bakit aayawan niyang makasama ka kung gusto ka niya talaga?

Note: if mahal ka niyan talaga at baliw siya sa’yo, baka months or weeks before iyong events, nagsisave the date na siya sayo, para masiguradong available ka nun at makakapunta ka.


5. He does invite you to occasions inside PMA pero ipapa-entertain ka sa iba

Sige sabihin na lang nating may duty siya, okay, understood iyon, pero bakit ka pa niya ipapa-entertain sa lower class or sa ibang classmate niya? Come to think of it, kapag gusto ka niyan talaga, bantay-sarado ka diyan. Hindi siya basta-basta mag-iintroduce ng lalaki na magiging kasama mo, unless of course, common friend niyo iyon, o kaya related sayo iyong other Cadet. Medyo nakakaiyak lang, pinapunta ka pa niya.

6. He doesn’t invite you to visit him inside “just because”

Siyempre, hindi ka na nga niya ininvite ‘pag may okasyon, do you think iinvite ka rin niya kahit walang rason? First, ayaw niyang maabala. Second, ayaw niya na makita siyang ng may kasamang ibang babae ng classmates niya, kasi, baka isumbong siya sa original girl, or the one he truly cares about.

7. Hindi ka niya ininvite sa HOP

Mas gugustuhin niyang magpaendorse kesa kasama ka. First, mawawala communication niyo, then, sasabihin niya busy siya, then,next part siya ng committee kaya hindi na lang daw niya i-prioritize na mag-invite. Girl, magtaka ka talaga. I know people na part ng hop committee, pero nandun pa rin ang mahal nila sa buhay to support them. If he is serious about you, he will not leave you behind feeling sorry for yourself kung bat hindi ka nakasama sa Hop, pero iyong ibang girl friends mo, present sila.

8. Hindi ka niya pinapakilala sa pamilya niya

Ang mga Kadete (please tell me if I am correct, sa mga Cadets na nakakabasa), kapag serious na sila sa babae, next step na ang pagpapakilala sa magulang. Wag ka nang magtanong kung pinakilala ka niya, serious ‘yan girl. Hehe Pero kapag “matagal” na kayo, nagdaan na ang mga okasyon sa PMA na pwedeng bumisita ang pamilya ng Kadete, tapos wala pa rin, sorry talaga, baka hindi iyan serious.

9. Class Crest

Hindi ko alam kung tama ito, pero para saakin, kung seryoso ang isang Kadete, hindi pa niya natatanggap iyong Class Crest niya na female counterpart, e matic na sayo mapupunta iyan. Huwag muna iyong mini ring, kasi sa Mama niya muna iyon. Hehe Pero iyong crest, I think dapat mapupunta sayo, unless hindi pa siya sigurado sayo.


FINAL THOUGHTS: There are a lot of things to know if someone doesn’t really like you, or is not serious about your relationship, first of all, once you’ve come to the point when you will already ask yourself, “Mahal ba talaga ako nito?” I think that’s the time you really have to know deeply. Kasi if someone loves you, you won’t ask yourself that question, because you know deep in your heart he is into you. Hindi ka mapapatanong, alam mo na lang.

But then again, BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT. Lagi tayong magbigay ng ganiyan, kasi ang mga Kadete, busy talaga iyan sila sa activities and regimented life inside the Academy, and you really have to be understanding. These warning signs might not be applicable to others, and sana, sana la ng, hindi ako tama. Sana seryoso siya sayo. Good luck!


BLOG DISCLAIMER:This is a personal blog. Any views or opinions represented in this blog are personal and belong solely to the blog owner and do not represent those of people, institutions or organizations that the owner may or may not be associated with in professional or personal capacity, unless explicitly stated.The owner does not intend to change views about the PMA Cadet Corps or  Philippine Military Academy, Any views or opinions are not intended to malign any religion, ethnic group, club, organization, company, or individual.

All content provided on this blog is for informational purposes only. The owner of this blog makes no representations as to the accuracy or completeness of any information on this site or found by following any link on this site.


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The Break-Up Story

Chapter 1: The Day I Got Over You

Chapter 2: The Art of Moving On

Chapter 3: Where Do Broken Hearts Go?

Chapter 4: To The Person Who Broke My Heart

Chapter 5: When Letting Go Is The Only Choice

After realizing I did everything to work things out, and tried to make amendments and bargain, I realized, I was so stupid to have gotten into this kind of situation, and staying in it for a bit longer. The worst part was, I was the only one who tried to fix everything. I was the only one who gave enough effort to put things back together. Because from the day you told me that you needed space, I never heard from you again.

Please do not blame me for letting us go on our separate ways, because from the time I felt you were getting cold, to the point that you never contacted me for a long time, it’s as if you just abandoned me. You never told me what you really wanted, you never asked me to listen or to understand you, you just left me hanging, and wondering what really went wrong. I’m sorry for doubting you for some time, because I believe, I also deserve some explanation.

The saddest part in our break-up was you didn’t tell me what went wrong, and what made you go. It’s more than acceptable to let you go knowing that you fell out of love, or you met someone else along the way. But we never had any discussion; and right now, that makes me even more aggressive to want to talk to you.

I know, it’s a bit absurd and unnecessary to communicate my feelings or doubts to you because that’s very pointless. The damage has been done, and I think, the only way I can do is to move on and let you go.

Lying in my cold room in this hot afternoon, I can see the sun rays penetrating through my glass doors, as I try to let go of my worries, I got up, and I realized there’s more to life than being worried sick or being lonely. I stood up in front of my study table, and for the nth time that I’m seeing this poster, I realized it has a point.

On my wall, written in bold letters, Someday, Someone will walk into your life, and make you realize, why it never worked out with anyone else.
I know, I never had any choice at all, because all you wanted was your life without me in it, and I know, you never want to see me again. I love you, or I must say, I loved you, but you chose to leave me, and I think it’s time to move on.

“You let go a long time ago, and I realize that, it’s time for me to do the same.”

Above photo from Matheus Bertelli via

Where Do Broken Hearts Go?

The Break-Up Story

Chapter 1: The Day I Got Over You

Chapter 2: The Art of Moving On

 Chapter 3: Where Do Broken Hearts Go?

Whew. What a long day. I got back to my room without the intention of doing anything at all. I changed my clothes to my usual comfy Pjs and turned my radio on, with its maximum possible volume. I made sure my veranda is tightly closed so that my neighbors will not be disturbed by my loud music.

As I hear my make-me-feel-good song, Over You (Daughtry), my favorite song, at least for now, I just let my heart out and try to relive every word in it. I no longer care. I just sing as loud as possible until I can’t hear my voice anymore with its loudness.

♩ ♪ ♫ ♬

Well, I never saw it coming.

I should’ve started running

A long, long time ago.

And I never thought I’d doubt you,

I’m better off without you

More than you, more than you know.

♩ ♪ ♫ ♬

I never imagined myself liking this alternative kind of music but it really helped me get by every idle hour I have—alone by myself. Singing this song helped me become more huge and powerful.
Days gone by, I managed to survive every single day even without the company of my friends, because I know they also have errands to do, not just to take care of me. I got used to being with the company of my own self and I enjoyed every moment of alone time.

I sat down for a while, faced my study table and grabbed my journal. I scanned the pages and I saw my scribbles: my first name in his last. What-might-have-been my future name if I were to marry him in the future. What a jerk. Without even thinking, I tear off the page, crumpled it until I couldn’t give any more strength from my fist. I tried to do it again, until I attempted to tear it apart one part after another. Upon reaching my satisfaction to its very end, I flushed the pieces of paper down the drain—without looking back.

In my journal I started a new page, I wrote the usuals. The date today, the day, and the time. I begun with. “Where Do I Start From Here?” I thought of using bullets as my guide to a wonderful life celebrating my independence . I realized, Yay! I’m finally free! Free from the stress you were constantly giving me. Free from all those sleepless nights when I cry myself to sleep. Free from emotional harassment and the physical pain I felt right from the heart continuing through out my whole chest. Free from the thoughts of you hurting me again, with countless arguments we had when we were still together.

I started thinking what to write, then suddenly I realized that after this painful break-up, I only have two choices. It’s either to stay broken, or to start a new life. I chose the latter. So I started writing, #1 START A NEW LIFE. I know, everything will be new to me because you are no longer a part of my future plans. But that’s fine, because I now believe, I’m better off without you.
I continue to write and here’s what I ended up with:

20XX August 19 Thursday 1730Where Do I Start From Here?#1: START A NEW LIFE

      • Collect all his stuff and , or burn them! Oh and Clean my room.
      • Rearrange everything in my room!
      • Buy something new for my room (a vase, a poster, something new!) Oh, don’t forget to buy scented
      • candles!
      • Have a haircut
      • Treat myself in my favorite restaurant
      • Foot spa, Mani-Pedi
      • Bring out the artist in me (buy water-based paint and canvass and try painting using my barehands)
      • Why not… Adopt a puppy?
      • Finally enroll in postgrad
      • Short Course?
      • Travel Alone! First Destination: ______
      • Buy a new set of make-up, experiment; You Tube Tutorials)
      • Buy a new dress
      • Clean my closet
      • Start reading!
      • Collect something from now on
      • Visit Mom and Dad
      • Talk to a long lost friend
      • Start jogging?
      • Volunteer!
      • Watch a Movie Alone
      • Divert!
      • Divert!
      • Divert!

    I don’t even know where to start because I want to speed it up so that I could be better in a faster, unimaginable time. At first, I thought I want to get back on you for every pain you caused me, but later on I realized, it’s not worth it… for now, I will focus on becoming better. I want to gain myself back. I want to become what I might have been if I haven’t loved you. I want to become better again, and I want to start a new life free from the pain of the past.

    Above photo from Garon Piceli via

    Continue Reading: To The Person Who Broke My Heart


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The Art of Moving On

The Break-Up Story

Chapter 1: The Day I Got Over You

Chapter 2: The Art Of Moving On

Sitting by the doorway of my veranda connecting to my room, I grabbed the hot cup of coffee which I transferred in a wide-mouthed mug, I just let my skin feel the heat from the sun rays while holding my mug with both hands; and just let my palms feel the warmth of it, as I smell that distinct aroma. I realized, this day, I know I’m whole again.

Weeks have passed since I decided to move on, and get back on my feet. However impossible it was to survive a single day, I tried. I wasn’t sure if I will be able to get there, but I know for a fact I will. I cried my heart out, and just let myself feel that sharp and throbbing pain coming from my chest, radiating to my arms and gut, because the thought of you leaving is what I dreaded ever since.

This time, I realized you will no longer be with me, because I know, I am not your happiness. Looking back from all the things we did, and all the memories we shared, I know this may also give you pain, however difficult it is, I’m sure, you will no longer look for my comfort.

My life has been meaningful while I was with you, but thanks to all the pain I got, and the tears I shed, because now, I can see clearly. You were not the man for me, and this time, I’ve already accepted it.

What helped me moved on? I can’t really recall. What I did was to take one day at a time. One day at a time to feel that excruciating pain I got from breaking up with you. One day at a time to smile, no matter how difficult it was, I still did. One day at at time to put away all the things which reminded me of you, and one day at a time to feel stronger as I try to survive one day at a time.

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Days have passed, I didn’t notice how the days gone so swiftly. I never intended to make others think I was not affected by our break up, but I just promised myself, I never want to be alone physically, as I try to forget you. So I decided to surround myself with people. I let them decide where to eat, what to do, or where to go. Because without them, I won’t be able to have any direction. We never talked about it because I asked them not to. I just faked my smiles, joined them with their loud laughters, and wore that party hat. Because I believe, no matter how difficult others will understand, I believe that I don’t owe anybody any explanation on how to fix myself. I just wanted to be okay.

Every single day I tried, no matter how difficult it was. I faked my smiles and laughters. I decided to be okay, and just keep on faking it…. until I made it… and now, I’m whole again…

Above photo from it’s me neosiam via

Continue Reading: Where Do Broken Hearts Go?

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The Day I Got Over You


The Break-Up Story

Chapter 1: The Day I Got Over You

As I remember it vividly, thoughts from the past dawned on me, and had me pull over my sheets and attempted to curl my knees directing it to my whole heart, hoping not to feel that pain again. Thanks to the cool temperature of my AC, I almost had my flashback perfect as I feel the chill penetrating deep inside my bones, as if I am inside a cold and dark dungeon. As I try to remember it, I thought I wasn’t ready, but thanks to all the days I was just getting by; and those months I tried to bury every hurt that thrust my heart every now and then, because then, I’ve gotten perfectly strong and insurmountable.

The -5degC frostiness of my room woke me up, I tried to relax and just let my feelings drift me away. I was expecting to cry for a while, but this time, I wasn’t in the mood to cry again… because this time was different. I stretch my arms and legs and as I try to feel my heart beat, I wasn’t sure I was fine, but I still got up from my bed, turned off the AC, and pulled the curtains of my veranda to see the sun shining and feeling its heat right in my face.

As I see the same men down the building from my 4th floor hotel room, having their regular morning exercise, the wind blew my cheeks. As it flies my hair away from its place, I started to feel again. I thought, this time was different. I thought, this time it will only be me. A world full of colors and happiness as I try to put you aside and lock you behind the bars of the past. This time, this life is about me, and this time, it just occurred to me that the future belongs to me, without you in it.

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As I smell the coffee brewing from my handy coffee press, I smell tomorrow as if I am huge, and indestructible. Remembering all the thoughts which made me stayed between being alive and being dead, I realize you really do not belong to me anymore, and that’s fine. Because this time, myself belongs to me.
As I drink the caffeine, slowly tasting its very taste, I tasted bitterness and sweetness which made me think that this is really what I need. Fusing two entities of positivity and negativity, and getting used to it as I try to get back on my feet.

This time, I woke up, and I just realized, I just got over you.
The dayI got over you….
…is the day I stopped thinking of our future together
…is the day I stopped hoping about us
…is the day I think of you without being hurt
…is the day I think of related things about you, but it doesn’t hurt anymore
…is the day I can think of things without thinking of you
…is the day I can think clearer about my future without you in it
…is the day I woke up, and I’m happy again

Above photo from Trinity Kubassek via

CONTINUE READING: The Art of Moving On

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