How To Avoid Heated Arguments

It’s You & Me VS. The Problem NOT You VS. Me

Since marami sa inyo, Readers natin, ang nagme-message sa PMG dahil sa kanilang mga heartbroken stories, tampuhan, and mga away na nagsimula lang sa “pagka-miss” and all… Tonight, ito iyong topic natin…

HOW TO AVOID HEATED ARGUMENTS

“Mag-aaway lang tayo, pero hindi tayo maghihiwalay.” -Sancho

I am not saying na kami ni Sancho, hindi kami nagdadaan sa mga problema, kasi kung hindi rin kami nagdaan sa mga tampuhan or mga break up stories, hindi kami magiging matibay at aabot sa 8 years hehe… pero iyang nga, ganiyan sinasabi niya kapag inaaway ko siya… “Mag-aaway lang tayo, pero hindi tayo maghihiwalay.” Ang sweet ‘no? Haha Pero hindi iyan sweet ‘pag beast mode ka. LOL

Yes, normal lang magkaroon ng tampuhan… Pero hindi ito ang dahilan para mag-away na kayo. Magtatampuhan, pero magpapatawaran din sa bandang huli. Ganito kasi ‘yan e, kapag meron kayong arguments, lagi niyong titignan iyong sarili niyo objectively, at kung ano ba talaga iyong issue. Hindi iyong, “Ikaw kasi e…” Hindi ganun.. Haha siyempre sa mga Ladies na medyo bagets bagets pa, mapupusok pa ang damdamin, huminahon lang tayo… Huwag na huwag magbibitiw ng masasakit na salita na hindi na natin kayang bawiin.

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Okay, nag-away kayo kasi hindi siya nakapag-reply agad o kaya umalis siya sa kalagitnaan ng heated argument kasi hindi mo alam, baka rin may duty siya di ba o tinawag ng Upper Class or ni Bossing… Minsan kasi nagsisimulang lumala ang isang tampuhan, magiging away, kapag tayong girls, uminit na ang ulo o kaya naman, napikon… hahaha lagi namang ganun di ba.. siyempre babae lang din tayo, marami tayong intensed or extreme emotions.. Hormonal? Lol

Una rin kasi sa lahat, napipikon tayo kasi nga hindi nila nami-meet iyong expectations natin… Arguments start with unmet expectations. Ito observation ko lang sa relasyon namin ha… In-assess ko kasi sarili ko e, madalas kasi akong mainis dati sa kaniya kapag seen lang message ko or kapag may sinasabi ako na parang hindi naman niya siniseryoso, lalung-lalo pa kapag may important discussion kami tapos bigla na lang siyang umaalis ng walang paalam..

Di ba, nakakainis naman talagay iyon? Hahaha… Natanong ko sa sarili ko, napakadaling intindihin naman sana na may trabaho iyong tao, kaya siya biglang umaalis or what… tapos ako bakit ako maiinis? Kasi nga, gaya ng sabi ko, unmet expectations. Ine-expect ko kasi sa kaniya, pakikinggan niya ako, that we’ll discuss things thoroughly ganiyan, o kaya magiging sobrang available siya sa akin, kasi nga, hello, girlfriend niya ako. Iyan iyong mga expectations ko, pero hindi niya nami-meet because of some reasons—reasons na valid naman di ba?

Work With Kim Sancho

Everytime na nag-away kayo, huwag kaagad maninisi. Alamin mo muna kung anong dahilan bakit in the first place, seen zone ka lang, o kaya hindi siya kaagad naka-reply or what.. Sabi nga nila, give the benefit of the doubt... Sige, para sa mga bata pa na hindi masyadong maiintindihan iyan (kasi ako rin noon inaamin ko hindi ko talaga iyan ma-gets haha), ano ba iyong benefit of the doubt? Ito iyong bibigyan mo iyong tao ng “space” para sa mga bagay na “nagawa” na niya na hindi dapat magawa kasi ina-accept mo iyong possibility na meron siyang valid explanation kung bakit niya iyon nagawa–don’t get me wrong when I say, “bagay na nagawa niya” ha, iba pa rin iyong mambabae siya or what ibang usapan na iyon… What I’m trying to say is, iyong mga bagay na nagawa niya na kinasama ng loob mo like seen zone ka, or hindi ka niya natawagan ng ilang araw…

Everytime na darating tayo sa point na mag-aaway, or siya iyong pinaka-nakakainis na tao at the moment, lagi mong tatanungin iyong sarili mo, bakit ka ba talaga nagagalit? Sabihin mo nga sa sarili mo ano na lang ba iyong dahilan na magalit ka na lang ng ganiyan? Kung may point ka naman kung bakit ka nainis sa kaniya, huminahon ka muna bago mo siya kausapin… YOU and HIM versus the problem, NOT you versus him. Ok?

Tignan mo lagi ang situation objectively, ano ba talaga ang nangyari? May reason ba siya na gawin iyon? Nag-sorry na ba siya? Nagpaliwanag na ba siya? Bago ang lahat, kinalma mo na ba iyong sarili mo? Ok kung ok na lahat ng mga iyan, this time, pag-usapan niyong dalawa na parang teammates, ano ba iyong pwede niyong gawin para hindi na iyon mangyari. Pwede bang, i-message ka muna niya bago siya umalis or before hand magsabi na siya na magiging busy ka para kapag naputol ang usapan niyo, alam mo na na busy na siya. Pag-usapan niyo ano ang dapat niyong gawin. Pareho kayong matatalinong tao, at kaya niyo iyan pag-usapan.

OPEN COMMUNICATION is the key to a happy and lasting relationship. Dapat marunong kayong mag-communicate ng feelings niyo sa isa’t isa through words, bakit ka galit, bakit ka nainis, bakit ka masaya, bakit ka in love, mga bagay na sobrang importante.

Kasi sa relationship natin, bihira tayong magkita, kaya kahit na gusto mo na lang sana ay yakapin ka niya para hindi ka na galit, e hindi naman niya iyon magagawa diba? Wish niya lang hahaha… Pinagseseparate kayo ng malayong distansiya e… and since LDR tayo, tandaan mo ‘to, 97percent of Communication is NON-VERBAL. May 3percent lang tayong kailangang gamitin sa tamang paraan para healthy ang relationship natin.. Kasi, iyong part na NON-VERBAL, hindi mo naman iyon magagawa di ba? hehehe so make the most out of the 3percent na natitira which is iyong VERBAL part.

REMEMBER: Bago ka magsalita, huminahon ka muna. Iyan ang totoong Military Girlfriend/Military Wife, laging kalmado iyan.

This is it for tonight, I hope marami kang napulot na lesson sa aking post na ito, paki-tag mo iyong love of your life para ma-open iyong mind niya na meron siyang mga expectations na kailangang i-meet para ikaw laging masaya, haha because remember, Happy Wife (or GF), Happy Life! Lol Para ‘di siya miserable ‘pag inaway-away mo. lol

“Baby, just because we have arguments doesn’t mean I’m going to break up with you. I love you.”

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The Secret To A Happy And Lasting Relationship

Many of us think that once you’ve entered a relationship, it means that, everyday is all about rainbows and butterflies, but I beg to disagree. Why? Because having to love someone does not entail loving them only during good times, but it means loving them even during the unloveable and worse times.

They say, you have the happiest and lasting relationship once you’ve experienced hurdles and successes during a long period of time together. But that is not always true. A lot of couples we know who have a lasting relationship (which we think the only thing lacking is the wedding, or worse is, they’re already married) have gone to separate ways. Why? Because along the way, after having been together for quite some time, you will experience things which will change your perspective totally. Once you’ve gotten yourself a job, or you started working overseas, or you met and started to mingle with new set of friends or colleagues, or you experienced a major problem in your life, everything will turn 180deg from your original thoughts and beliefs. Things, people, job, new culture, and experiences will change you, whether you like it or not.

Hence, after all the things you encountered, or having met the people you ought to work with, and all, at the end of the day, what you wanted, still, is to be with the one you love and chose to love after all these years. So what do we really need in order to stay in love and being loved by the most important person in our life? I think the secret to a lasting, happy, contented and healthy relationship is…. *drumroll… is…. to choose each other every day. One day at a time, choose each other. How is that even possible and helpful?

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First, you do not know what the future holds, you don’t control the sky, the moon, the stars, and every situation that is happening that might change your feelings to the person, BUT, if you choose to love the person everyday, one day at a time, I think it will be extraordinary, and let me say it… life-changing.

Think of this, everyday, in every hour, in every minute, and in any circumstances, if you choose to love the person, nothing will be at risk. However difficult it could get, even during the times you are fighting, or even if one of you is being a pain in the neck; once you turn your thoughts and efforts towards loving that person no matter how difficult and impossible the situation gets, everything is going to be a-okay. That, I promise you. But, what’s the catch? The rule of the thumb is, both of you should be practicing that every day. Why? Because, a relationship consists of two whole beings who are intellectually capable to understand, to love and to commit.

One more thing is when you practice loving the person in any circumstance, drunk or sober, you will not commit any mistake, even if you’re surrounded with unfaithful friends (who do extracurricular activities while their partners are away), or even if you are being pressured by your colleagues, nothing will be at risk if you choose to love the person in any circumstances whatsoever.

Sometimes, when the going gets tough, and suddenly you do not know where to go or what to do anymore, chances are, you might be finding yourself regretting something you already did that you shouldn’t have to; but if you take your relationship seriously, and you focus your thoughts to the person you love, no matter how tough any situation gets, at the end of the day, you will be able to sleep your conscience, good night; because you did the right thing that day, and tomorrow is another brand new day to choose to love the person. Remember, while the relationship lasts, love will not always be feelings anymore, rather, it will be a decision.

“You are the first and last thing on my mind each and every day.”

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10+ Things to Do While Waiting for His R&R

I know even the minute you bid goodbye, you already start to miss him, right? I can say, “been there, done that,” but then again, even if we’ve been together for quite some time, time and time again, it pains me when he’s gone.  I know how you feel, because right at this moment, I’m feeling it, too.

“But girl, everything will be all right, alright?” This is what I could only tell myself, right now, and I could may be say to you. Everything is going to turn out well.

Let me tell you a little story, this happened when I graduated from College and he was still inside the Academy, that I think, he was a Cow, back then. Those times, I know I have to find a job because after all, (in God’s love and providence,) I’ve passed the board exam, and I was only waiting for my license number which will be issued by PRC. But then, to tell you frankly, I never chose to look for a job or to have a committed work-related stuff back then because I was afraid I might miss something from his Cadet “Milestone.” Gladly, I have loving parents who didn’t require me to look for a job or to give back as early as that time, they only told me to do whatever I want this time (because I think they were relieved that the “future” is mine after passing the NLE, and after all, I was only 20 years old that time). My parents were very supportive, so I never looked for a job after College, I just “enjoyed” or I think the better term is “rested,” after of course the grueling review for the exam.

While waiting for his R&R, I am as hopeless as a person who wants snowflakes in Summer. I just hang in there, waiting for his break, of course my parents know Sancho as early as that time, and they treated him as their own child, they were very supportive of us. (Sobrang tiwala, and kita niyo naman ngayon ang results ng pagtitiwala ng both sides ng parents namin, kami pa rin, at sa Awa at Tulong ng Diyos, hindi naman kami pumalya. Hehe)

Here are the things { I did, I am doing, and I think I will continue to do } whenever I miss him during his deployment.

1. CULTIVATE A NEW HOBBY

TBH, I’ve had a lot of “new” hobbies, name it: collected and tried to take care of plants (but after a week I’ve gotten lazy, so my Dad continued watering them and they withered after a couple of months hehe): took care of a dog (my Mom continued taking care of Britney~my Pekingese Dog, until she died after mounted by an AsKal, this is a true story, I will talk about this in a different entry post); I’ve tried ARTS! You know, crayons, paints and stuff on a canvass, after a few days, I got lazy again, you know what happened next.

I can talk for a day or two for the things I’ve done to help me cope with my loneliness because he was away. You might think I am overacting, but honestly, that time I was only 20 years old. Some hopeless romantic kid who just found out about love, so yeah, call me crazy. Hehe

So the point here is, do something new. Promise, it will alleviate your loneliness.

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2. LEARN A NEW LANGUAGE

The first language I’ve self-learned was Finnish. (Nauso kasi ‘yun dati sa Baguio e.) Then later, of course, Japanese. Try to learn a new language, it will be so dramatic if you say I love you in different languages, right? Or try to learn new dialects from our very own country, like for me, I speak Pangasinan and Ilocano fluently, and I am currently learning how to speak in Cebuano, because Sancho was assigned to a Cebuano-speaking area and actually he could already speak fluently that sometimes he doesn’t notice he’s talking to me in Cebuano. (Lagi niya ako Binibisaya nang hindi niya napapansin, gusto ko rin matuto para makasagot ako sakaniya hehe.)

3. ENROLL IN A SHORT COURSE

That first assignment he took right after his graduation was one of the deepest dents in our relationship. But I took it head on, and came out alive and somewhat productive. As he was busy applying his military prowess in the field, I, too, was applying my baking prowess.  LOL I enrolled in Baking Class for about a month or so. At first it was just for fun, or something to keep me busy, then it dawned on me, I was actually enjoying every single minute I spent inside the Baking Lab. I just lab it. LOL

Learn something new, promise it will be worth it, want to know why? Because when Sancho learned I was good at baking, everytime he comes home from deployment, we bake and cook together. It’s actually kind of fun! Next time, I’ll be enrolling in Culinary, promise!

4. VOLUNTEER

There are a lot of weekend activities you could do in your own community, it will really help you expand your horizon or grow your network.

When Sancho was busy during his first assignment after his graduation, I was left with no choice but to actually face reality of finding my own career path. I’ve volunteered to a provincial hospital and signed up for a Dialysis Program/Training–which I think I got from his brother, because his brother is a Dialysis Nurse. After the training, I went back to Baguio and thought of signing up for PMA Station Hospital’s Nurse Residency Program. Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen, I was actually that Nurse who took care of Cadets and Soldiers for almost a year inside the Academy! I will share some stories about my experience  in a different post.

5. TRAVEL

The first area I’ve ever been to without him was in Aklan, yes in Boracay. We also went to Iloilo to eat Bachoy with my Family. Believe me, it will give you stories to share when you’re already back in each others’ arms.

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6. PLAN YOUR NEXT TRIP TOGETHER

I’ve always wanted to go to Tagaytay! Haha I never had the chance to go back there as and Adult. LOL I’ve studied Language in the Metro for almost a year but then again, I never had that single chance of going there. Oh wait, I have. It was when he got back from Schooling and then I tried to lure him into going there but when it was time to leave (at 0300H) he actually asked if we could do it some other time, and went back to sleep. Poor baby!

So plan your next trip and actually implement it. hehe

7. MAKE YOUR BUCKET LIST

Believe it or not, I started to make a list of our “Relationship Goals” when we were only days old. Haha I will actually take a photo of it if the notebook was with me, but it is in Sancho’s keeping. I wrote there stuff like, go on a Movie Date, Dance in the rain, Travel together etc etc etc… Be specific!

8. DATE YOUR PARENTS

After College, I told you I didn’t for once look for a job, so I had the luxury of time to be with my parents as in ALL THE TIME for more than a year. We had coffee 3x a day in our house, we went for road trips together, we saw some movies together, and we went to new places. Thank God I had the chance to be with them esp my Dad.

9. MAKE YOUR OWN SCRAPBOOK

I always wanted to make our very own scrapbook, pero laging hindi natutuloy. Print your important photos and make some scribbles or do some arts! I think it’s fun!

10. MOSAIC YOUR PHOTOS

I want mosaic of our photos together. Pero I want puzzle pieces para may twist. I just don’t know how to do this, yet. But, I think, when I’ll get time, I can actully look for a suitable app and put my hands on it. Try it, too!

11. MAKE AVP OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP MILESTONES

When we get married, I want to show a audio-video presentation of how our relationship started. It might cost me lengthy hours of doing it, but I think it will be worth it. Make yours, too, and show him when he gets home!

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FINAL THOUGHTS: Waiting for his R&R is actually boring. Hehe But then again, if you look on a brighter side, you will realize it’s actually quality time for yourself and for your family to bond or to do new things. Keep yourself busy with things to do, and later on, just before you know it, he will be there right at your doorsteep looking for you. Go girl!

***THE LIST GOES ON! Comment or message me so we can input your thoughts! I love to hear from you! What do you do during his Deployment aside from work? 🙂

Above photo taken from Naoshima Island with Sancho. Sorry for our sun-kissed feet! LOL

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11 Life Lessons From A Soldier’s Perspective

As I read the entries, I realized, marami pa akong hindi alam sa buhay, I should really ponder on these things and actually discern kung nagagawa ko bang maging mabuti, to outgrow my immaturity and to become a better version of myself. Be positive! Fight! Fight!

This is an article contributed by a close friend of mine who happens to be a Junior Officer in the Philippine Army.

Read On:

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1. Respect and love your parents

Kasi mga magulang mo sila kahit na anong mangyari. Cherish every moment with them.

2. Make good and unforgettable memories with your siblings

Ang mga kapatid, walang kapalit din yan..I n short, mahalaga talaga ang foundation ng family.

3. Pagdating sa friends, habang tumatanda tayo, real friends will remain

Iba ang friends sa magkakilala lang.

4. Learning never stops

Dapat as early as now, pinapahalagahan mo na ang mga natutunan mo. Para pagdating ng panahon, mai-apply mo nang tama.. Also, as we grow old, maiisip natin na lahat ng mga nangyayari sa atin, may lessons learned iyan.

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5. A good heart will never fade

Attitude matters talaga.. Pwedeng mag-fade away ang physical beauty, pero ang ugali ng isang tao, hndi makakalimutan.. Masama man or mabuti, diyan ka maaalala.. sa ugali mo..

6. Simplicity is beauty

Minsan maisip mo na okay rin pala kahit simple ka lang. Nasa confidence mo iyan. Makikita mo kasi ang beauty ng tao kapag wala siyang kahit na anong gamit or suot, through her smile , or through her eyes.. Ganun lang..

7. Life is simple

Do not over-stress yourself. Hindi mo naman kailangan patulan lahat ng issues na naririnig mo. Malulungkot ka lang. Kung hindi naman big deal, huwag ka dapat maging affected.

8. Be humble

Kung talagang may pagkakamali ka, embrace it and learn to say sorry. Be humble. Tao lang tayo, walang perfect sa atin. Lahat may mga failures and pagkakamali.

9. Gaano man kahirap or kasakit ang dinaranas mong mga problema, tuloy pa rin ang buhay

Depende lang iyan kung paano ka lumaban and paano mo i-handle ang mga problema mo.. Okay lang umiyak.. Ilabas mo lang. Ang importante fighting ka pa rin. Sabi nga doon sa Dont quit, REST IF YOU MUST BUT DONT YOU QUIT.

10.

Kahit gaano man kataas ang mga pangarap natin and kahit gaano man kalayo ang mga narating natin sa buhay, babalik and babalik tayo sa simpleng buhay kasama ang family natin. Time will come na masaya na tayo sa isang scenic view, drinking coffee.. Iyong tipong marealize mo na at least nakaya mo ang lahat.. Simple lang.. Pero masaya.

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11. Self-love is important

Self-love includes self respect and self-esteem.. Kasi kung darating sa point na mararamdaman mong wala nang ngmamahal sayo, at least maisip mo na mahal mo pala ang sarili mo. Kapag nakita ng ibang tao na you have self-respect, they will also respect you.. and tsaka mo lang masasabing kaya mo nang magmahal ng iba kapag you have already given enough love for yourself.. walang ibang magmamahal sayo kundi sarili mo lang din.

Topmost photo is a derivative of an original photo taken from Pineapple Supply Co. via pexels.com

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7 Reasons Finding “The One” Early in Life Will Help You Become More Successful

“…and then I met you.”

In love, they say, don’t rush, or you’re still too young to be in a relationship; but what if the universe conspired to let you meet the love of your life, before you even know which career path you will take? I say that’s totally fine, why? Because there are a lot of reasons why finding the right person early in life could help you become even more successful; and here’s a few:

YOU MATURE TOGETHER

Accept it or not, people mature with their age. You will not have any amount of wisdom there is in the world as long as you won’t take a year after year of failures. Hence, when you experience growing up or maturing with the same person, nothing else will give you the assurance that the person is really worth keeping.

YOU BUILD YOUR DREAMS TOGETHER

Coming together is a BEGINNING.
Keeping together is PROGRESS.
Working together is SUCCESS.

As you take every milestone towards your goals, hand in hand, you take each step needed to get you wherever life may take you. You started as lost kids who tried to find their place in the world, and later on, you figured out which path to take. But what’s more amazing was you started to build your dreams together.

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YOU EXPERIENCE FAILURE TOGETHER

Seeing someone in the lowest place they could possibly be, and still choosing to love them anyway, is nothing but unconditional love. Nothing comes easy in life which is worth keeping. It has to be tested with time and adversities. But when you surpassed each hurdle that blocks your way, still with the same person, is uncustomary. Being together during the highs is given, but staying together during the lows is exceptional.

NO ONE ELSE KNOWS YOU LIKE THEY DO

With you… I feel safe and sound.

Sometimes, when you cannot decipher which path to take, or worse is when you can’t even understand yourself anymore, the only person who could only put you back to your sanity is no one but your mate. For having seen you during your bests and your worsts, they know to calm you during an uproar.

NO ONE ELSE KNOWS THEM LIKE YOU DO

Everybody has their own tranquility inside, but when complicated situation happens, you know that the only person they need is you. Why? Because you know how to bring them back to daylight when they lose their way. You know, because you know their heart.

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YOU SHARE YOUR SUCCESSES

Nobody else’s side will you ever wish to be, but right by the side of your significant other, especially during your success. For helping you fight the battles life continues to give; for giving you strength when you are weak; for giving you enough guidance when you lose your way; and for constantly receiving push when you lose determination, you just want to be by their side when finally, what you dreamed of was finally realised.

WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS, YOU HAVE EACH OTHER

Wherever life takes you, no matter how many roads you choose to take, and no matter how many mistakes you put through, there will always be that assurance that there’s someone waiting for you at the end of the road—with or without the bacon.

“Forever is a long time, but I wouldn’t mind spending it by your side.”

Above photo from our readers Miss Sai & Sir Kim during their prenup. <3

Read Related Articles:

“God’s Time is Always Perfect”-  from: Mrs. Nalang Diaries

Love Letter from A Cadet from: Mrs. Nalang Diaries

 

 

 

 

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Love Letter From A Cadet

This article is from a contribution of our reader, Mrs. Sai Nalang.

Message from Ms Sai to PMG: You might want to add this. Naghukay tuloy ako sa box namin. Everytime he writes me a letter, he never forgets to remind me that we have a wedding to attend after his graduation. Haha”

This letter is what her husband wrote her when he was still in PMA as a Graduating Cadet. Super Kilig!!! Read on!

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23 2000H JUNE 2010

Love Love,

Happy 8th Monthsary. I love you so much . Don’t worry about me, I’m doing fine here at the Academy, yun nga lang I’m missing you so much. Wala ng CP kasi mahigpit na dito. Take life na lang ako kung mag-CP but hindi pa rin tayo (pwedeng) dalawa sa pakikipagcommunicate. Kaya nga may ballpen at papel hehe Mahal!!! Could you believe it? 8 months na tayo. I love and miss miss miss you. Kaya dadaliin ko na ang pag-graduate dito para makasama na kita agad. All you have  to do is to take care of yourself. Remember, we have a wedding to attend to, which is our wedding, ok? hehe (Properly ha) Concentrate on your studies, hmmmp, iwas sa mga surot!!! Ha? I love you so much!

PS Wag pabasa ka Shane, magrereact like hell.

Your Love Love

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Read Related Article: “God’s Time is Always Perfect- Sai N.”

PMG Notes: Guys, gusto kong magreact like hell sa sobrang kilig, hehe buti na lang hindi ako si Shane. Lol Grabe lang talaga. It was June of 2010, anong ginagawa niyo nung mga panahong iyon? Ako, ilang months pa lang niyan nung nakilala ko si Sancho at wala akong idea where it will lead, pero si Kim&Sai, they all have their lives figured out, as early as 2010, while everyone’s not having any clue even on what to get for lunch on that day. This is so amazing. This is so beautiful not to share to the world.

Again, thank you Sir Kim and Ms Sai for entrusting your delicate stories to PMG.  <3 Super love love.

Above phot via Lum3n.com

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Caps Lock CIL: The Unrequited Love

“Cupid sometimes runs out of arrows and only shoots one person instead of two.”

Once in our life, we experience loving someone without the knowledge of the person. We know how stupid the idea is, but we cannot help but choosing loving from a distance, because, at least, from there, we could express our feelings. Here is one good epitome of someone who chose to love from afar, and hoped, at least for once, that her love will be reciprocated.

(This article was originally published in The Corps Magazine, the Philippine Military Academy’s Cadet Corps Magazine, Alumni Issue 2013. Original title: “CAPS LOCK”)

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Caps Lock

by Nuela Gracia F. Posadas

As we drive along the zigzag mud, I prayed to God
to keep this off my chest. I guessed He did, at least for a while.
Maybe I am unconsciously drawn to your world.
Maybe I do too, at the very rarest of times.
I believe that I belong to you as immediate family.
And this feeling attacks when I least expect it
When I am not in my best dress, When I did not get to shower,
and when I did not have the COURAGE to tell you.
And so I go on with my routine in life
smiling when not supposed to, running countless miles
to maintain my Superman strength disguised by my stick thin body,
juggling everything is served before me,
carrying that INTEGRITY you were always preaching excessively.
I become too preoccupied to even think about it, or perhaps about myself.
And yes, one day at a time, I go on with my random life;
lazing around in the mornings, skipping meals,
sleeping until my head hurts, and thinking about you until my heart breaks.
Yes, I think about you. I think about you all the time.
I sustain my LOYALTY to you even if I don’t have to,
even if there seems to be no apparent reason.
You, instead, go on with your life unaware of the single soul
wide awake on your lower bunk,
writing this note for the source of her unreciprocated love.
You go on…
You go on without the slightest idea.

***

“At least even for a little while, I was the reason behind your smile.”

Above Photo via picjumbo.com

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10 Relationship Vitals Every Couple Should Know

“I WANT US TO LAST. I don’t want to have an amazing couple of months and then it be all over in a flash. I don’t want to experience the feelings of hurt, confusion, and disappointment again. No matter what we run into & no matter how hard things get, I WANT US TO STICK TOGETHER.” -Anonymous

1. Know the real essence of PRIVACY, and apply it.

Remember: Relationships last longer when nobody knows your business. So try to keep your ‘moments’ just between the two of you. It’s fine to post photos of you during an important event of your life because it’s a milestone, but too much posting of your photos and overly lovey dovey status updates actually won’t help your relationship. Not everything in your life is “postable” in your social media. Take note, it’s not the public’s relationship but yours. Also, when you fight, nobody else has to know. You don’t need to let anyone see your dirty laundry out of the bucket. So be careful.

image source

2. Keeping Notes

Everything that’s happening in your life as a couple is a milestone. So it’s important you should document! It maybe cheesy for others to see if you are always capturing photos of you together, but that’s fine. It won’t hurt anyone, unless of course you post everything on Facebook! LOL. Take a lot of photos, and keep them in your files, later on, at least you have memories to reminisce as you move past your younger years together, as a couple. Own a camera and an external hard drive just for your photos together. Be creative, too, by compiling them in a scrap book or photo albums, or even mural of your photos together!

3. Do Not Rush!

Again, whether you’ve heard this before for the nth time, I’d still say, TIMING IS EVERYTHING. Not everything should be done shotgun or unplanned. Although majority would attest that things which happened spontaneously last, this is true, but it may not be the same with others. Love is not about sky diving, where you start at the top, and rush to the ground, it’s all about a step by step process which entails trial and error. At first it may get exciting, but there are certain days when you will find yourself in anguish. So that’s when the ‘DO NOT RUSH’ reminder comes in. Again, before you jump in a new commitment, assess yourself, are you really prepared for the roller coaster ride you are going to experience in a yet another relationship? If you answer this question and have thought of other significant priorities, I guess, you’re not ready yet, and chances are you will end up frustrated once you choose to enter a relationship, and you’re also responsible with the other person’s misery, too.

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4. Crossing the line

Everything Done Horizontally Is Dangerous! If you know you are already a mature individual who could take the pressure and effects of premarital lovemaking, then fine, it’s nobody’s business. But if you are someone who preserves this for the love of her life (is there anyone who still believes in this?), then you might not want to cross the line. Remember that majority of the things you do horizontally, are the ones you cannot take back. In short, these things are irreversible. If you’re not ready, then don’t do it. TRUE LOVE WAITS.

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5. Public Display of Affection

About PDA. Public Display of Affection is not necessary for couples who respect themselves and who maintain the respect of the public towards them. Don’t wait until someone will say, “Get a room, already!” It’s alright to let others know she’s your girlfriend by holding her hand while walking, but it’s very unattractive to see if you are already kissing up to your throats in front of the mass. How about the children? How about your parents? C’mon, get some values. Sooner or later, you will be parents, too, and you won’t want to see this in your children, either.

6. Meeting The Parents

Of course, one of the most momentous beacons your relationship could ever hurdle is meeting each other’s parents and relatives. It could cause you a bit of anxiety, but believe me, they are also nervous to meet you. Remember, just relax and be yourself. If you are a woman who isn’t fond of wearing mountain-high heels, then don’t. If you’re a woman who doesn’t wear makeup, then that’s fine. Just be your comfortable self. Take note of this: your partner’s parents are also ordinary individuals (like you) who are only trying to be parents. Get to know them according to their own individuality and uniqueness, and surely, you will capture their hearts.

7. Meeting The Gang

Relax, it’s just the gang! LOL. But actually, this is even more of a nerve-wracking experience you could ever get yourself into. However, you do not have to impress anyone just to turn them into your side or get their favor. Again, just be yourself, and try to know them individually. There’s a reason why they are your partner’s friends, and they were also the ones who stayed longer in your partner’s life than his/her family. So try to get along with the gang!

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8. Respect is the Epitome of Love.

First of all, start with yourself. How do you regard yourself, is it with respect? How do you view other people? Do you respect them? Alex Elle once said, ‘The respect you show to others (or lack there of) is an immediate reflection on your self respect.’ This is very crucial in a relationship because how you view and respect yourself will be the way your significant other will view and respect you. Respect begets respect, and in a relationship, before you even start to love someone, you should begin respecting the person first.

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9. Quality and Time

A quality relationship isn’t measured with the length of time from the day you started dating. It is measured with the quality you make out of the limited time you have. Remember that a relationship is not only about showing off, but it is all about being with someone who supports you until you reach your goals and dreams in life. The person who is always beside you especially during rough times.

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10. Intentions

“Love is the ability and willingness to allow those that you care for to be what they choose for themselves without any insistence that they satisfy you.” -Wayne Dyer

Love is not all about seeking your own happiness from someone. The purpose of relationships IS NOT to have another person to complete you. But to have another person whom to share your completeness with. Before you even start a relationship, you should ask yourself, what are your intentions? Do you take accountability afterwards? Do you take responsibility with the other person? Or are you only looking for your own happiness that’s why you want a relationship?

I remember appearing this in my newsfeed, and actually, it really makes sense.

Credits to the owner, Ogbolu Ezeugo Jerry 

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Don’t marry because of SEX,

Don’t marry because you are getting OLD,

Don’t marry because you are of AGE,

Don’t marry because you’re LONELY

Don’t marry because you need someone to support you FINANCIALLY

Don’t marry because you mistakenly got PREGNANT for him.

Don’t marry because you don’t want to LOSE thePERSON.

Don’t marry because of family PRESSURES

Don’t marry because you Like the IDEA Of Marriage

Don’t marry because of PITY or Out of PITY

Don’t marry because of TRIBE

Don’t marry because you admire all the WEDDING GOWNS you see

Don’t marry because you Love KIDS

Don’t marry because all your friends are getting Married

Don’t marry because of physical/academic qualifications

BUT, Marry because you are READY for it

Marry because of Love

Marry because you want to Fulfill your PURPOSE

Marry because you want to be a Good HELP MATE…

I PRAY TO GOD ALMIGHTY TO GIVE YOU ALL THE BEST LIFE
PARTNERS WHO TRULY DESIRE TO MARRY YOU
 WITH THE
 RIGHT MOTIVES..

Above photo from Snapwire 

Military Relationship Facts

While others stay behind the back of the silent ranks, together, we reminisce and tell tales of how we actually suffer and endure the combat of every day life… as we go along our lives and continue loving and being loved by the man of our dreams, and living the so-called “military” life.

Here are the things you got used to since Day 1 when you started loving a man in uniform.

Military Relationship Facts:

1.

Every schedule you have in your calendar is… “SUBJECT TO CHANGE”
–If I’m not mistaken, you often hear this, right? So you better not write anything on your calendar, instead.

2.

You got used to hearing, “I Will Call You Later” but you know for a fact that “later” is totally an indefinite word, which could mean, tomorrow, a few days later, or even next week.

3.

“Take life.” 
This and the other terms (like, “Buga” or “Go Ahead”) which they use, that you already (unconsciously) use in your everyday civilian life and has become a part of you. You know that “take life” means an act of doing something which is not “authorized” or should not be done as said by the rules, like using their phone after TAPS, or not logging in their phones during class (you tell me!)

4.

PRIV or PRIVILEGE. 
In Webster’s Dictionary it means: (1) a right or benefit that is given to some people and not to others; (2) a special opportunity to do something that makes you proud; but in the military world, especially to the Cadets, it only means a time to be spent with you, especially outside the camp; and when you get to hear this word, your heart beats so fast and what you only want is rush to him so as not to waste any minute of it before BTB comes.

5.

Deployment
. This is the word anyone who is a military spouse dread about. For the military partners, it means a lengthy time spent being alone, because their partners need to go back to their first priority, which is to defend the Nation. Difficult, but necessary.

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6.

Serial Number
. Before, this did not really matter to me, but someone explained to me that Soldiers cannot just wander away in any place they want to, even during their break, because they are like “property” owned by the government with serial numbers. Any change of place or plans should be reported accordingly within the jurisdiction of their ‘Boss,’ but… on the other hand, here’s when #3 applies.

7.

Short Notice LOA (Leave of Absence) from your Work. 
Like what was stated in #1, every schedule they have is subject to change, it also means you do not know when he is coming home, so when he texted you that he is already on his way home, from a thousand miles away, you ask for a short-notice LOA or even call in sick from your work or class, right?

8.

Military Time. Instructions like, “I’ll be out from the camp, 1600H of the 16th,” or just a plain, “23 of 28th” …I often received messages like this before, and it took some time until I got the hang of the 24-hour format.

9.

When he’s coming home, all your set plans will automatically be cancelled. Whether if it’s a girl’s night out, or any important extra-curricular activities you want to attend, will all be set aside, because all you want is some QT with him.

10.

You learned the meaning of “light” travel, (or you don’t even pack at all) during shotgun out-of-towns. When he comes home from deployment, all he wanted to do is to spend time with you, alone. So chances are, he might ask you to travel with him to a place where you can have quality time together. But this out-of-town idea is not actually planned, it just happens.

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11.

Souvenir Shirts. Almost all your Tees were from all the places he visited, and all the activities he attended. So you get instant couple shirts, because his is Medium or Large, and yours is always, of course, Extra Small. 🙂

12.

You got used to hearing the word, “matic” or automatic. This means that some things should not be discussed anymore, because it’s already happening. Like when he will attend a party, it will always imply that you are the Plus One. Matic na.

13.

You got used to hearing him explain that, “the distance between the hospital and the commissary is 300 meters.” Not far, nor near, but 300 meters.

14.

You always bring with you emergency sleep-over kit, like toothbrush, toothpaste, garments, and stuff, because you might be lost in time, and suddenly, it’s midnight… so, just to be ready.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

There are so much things we experienced through time, being a military couple, but, however difficult other people could look at our situation, we just simply tie our hair back and wink at them, like everything is under control, because we know, that all is well, especially when we’re side by side with our soldier men.

Tag your girl friends, your mates, your love ones or comment below, and feel free to share your stories, no matter how crazy will it seem, because we know, everything is crazy and extraordinary in the military, right? So don’t forget to comment below.

***ABOVE PHOTO from our reader, Mrs. Sai Nalang. #mrsnalangdiaries

Taken during their Wedding Prenup (Kim&Sai)

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6 Things We Learned From Traveling As A Couple

“In life, it’s not where you go, it’s who you travel with.”

Yesterday, I posted an article (Read: The Great Take Life) regarding how my fiancé surpassed all the difficulties when he was still preparing for his visa. It was kind of crazy, but then again, after all those things he’s been through, he succeeded. He got his way to visit me here in Japan. I’m such a lucky girlfriend.

So this time I will be talking about what we learned as a couple from traveling together.

A LITTLE BACKGROUND: Originally, I was assigned to have my OJT in Western Japan (far from my dream places which are Kyoto, Osaka, Kobe), my place is a city but then it’s a “provincial” city. LOL So I want to see “other” beautiful places, which I haven’t seen before. This time is somewhat special because I’m with the person I love. ❤

In short, we want to go to places we’ve never been before, places we don’t know anyone. SO WE DID.

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Here are the things we learned from traveling as a couple:

#1 To Stay FOCUSED

First of all, it was our first time to visit those places. It was also our first time to travel together as a couple, outside the country, so we were very overwhelmed.

Due to excessive excitement, you might find yourself amused with all the attractions you will see, this is good, because you are only appreciating the uniqueness of the area, but then again, if you over-do it, you might miss the chance of seeing the “bigger” picture because you spend so much time on the “small” ones.

Always remind yourself that you were there to see that certain place you dreamed of seeing, just like what you’ve planned in your itinerary. STAY FOCUSED because you might be regretting the time you spent on the details, instead of seeing the real picture.

#2 To Share #3 To Be Thrifty #4 To Be Resourceful

We didn’t come there to spend all our life savings just for one trip, because we promised each other this would be the first of the many trips we will have for the rest of our lives.

We went there to experience the culture, the beauty of nature that only Japan has to offer. We went there to feed ourselves with new discoveries and fill our minds with new memories together. We were making a history. But then, this doesn’t entail that we have to be very extravagant so we learned to share, to be thrifty, and to be resourceful.

(Wizarding World of Harry Potter, taken when we were drinking a cup of Butter Beer lol)

For example we want to experience drinking Butter Beer (just like what we read in the books or saw in the movies, we wanted to know how it tastes) in Universal Studios-Wizarding World of Harry Potter, we want to try it for the experience, so instead of buying two orders, we just bought one and shared it. You might think we were depriving ourselves etc, but then if you do the math, instead of buying two drinks, why not buy one instead, so that you could buy souvenir or butter beer mugs later for the price of one order of the drink, wise, eh? 😛 (***One drink is 1,300 Japanese Yen equivalent to 585 PhP)

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Another example would be bringing bento or snacks and bottled water during a lengthy trip. Instead of spending over pricey empty-calories snacks you’ll find in convenience stores during stopover, you might want to bring your own self-made snacks/packed lunch so that you could save a few bucks and refrain from stepping out of the vehicle during a long trip. It could also save you time and a load of cash you could use for other stuff later.

#5 To Be Patient With Each Other

Yes, we might be a long-term couple but going on a trip in a foreign land really tested our patience with each other. I for one am a difficult person haha. I’m kind of obsessed with “comfort” so whatever it is that’s bugging me or making my life hard, I often send away or put off. I couldn’t do this during our trip because everything we encountered were out of our comfort zones.

Take language for example. Japan might be considered a first world country, but only a few people understand and speak English. I could speak Japanese, but sometimes, when we talk to locals, they use their dialect, which I am not familiar with, so I somehow get frustrated. Then my boyfriend will ask me what the person has just said, and I will say, “I don’t know, I can’t understand,” and normally he will say, “Anong gagawin natin, hindi ko rin naman sila maintindihan, ikaw lang marunong sa atin.” (What will we do now? I couldn’t understand them; too, you’re the only one who speaks their language.) And… the arguments will go on if he is also a short-tempered person like me… If my boyfriend is not patient with me, we will be fighting all the time. Haha. Actually, in our relationship, he is the cool one, I am always the hot one—I mean someone who gets easily irritated. But later on, I learned how to cool down and be easy going because of him.

Being out of your comfort zone will really test your guts, but that’s a part of being away from home, and learning new stuff from a new place.

When the going gets tough, remember you were there to relax and enjoy the vicinity. You were there to have vacation, haha remember to always keep your cool wherever you go, and whatever happens, make sure to choose your partner over winning an argument.

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#6 To Fall In Love All Over Again

Being in a new place will bring out all possible bright and dark attributes you were hiding inside and waiting to unleash. Hahaha Travel is a great way to know your partner from a deeper perspective, and when you do, it’s one way of assuring yourself that even though how many times they shift gears, if you really love them, you will be there to witness it, and then you will be falling in love all over again every time they find a new person inside they never knew existed.

The best things in life are the people you love, the places you’ve seen, and the memories you’ve made along the way.

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