To My Almost

We started rocky. It was one of the cliche things that happened to us. See, this isn’t the first time that we tried. The first time we failed yet when we found each other, we dared to try again, hoping that this moment will be our time. We were so optimistic that fate would favor us this time. We were happy. We were full of bliss. My day wouldn’t go by without you passing by my mind; yes, even when we were fighting, even when we weren’t in good mood.

It is so insane to miss someone whose memories are just abstract.
We weren’t the typical LDR. I am not sure if we had a relationship, even. It was the millennial thing- no label relationship. We were just talking- no, not talking per se, it was just an online banter. We talked over the phone for only more than an hour in our year-long ‘talking’ yet it meant the world to me. I was so invested in us. I was so excited for what the future holds for us even if there’s barely a present. It was very naive of me.

 

Everything was doing fine. I never think that everything will crumble. I told you before that if we get through this year, we will get through everything and I believed we could. I also believed that you believe we could. We agreed we will work for us, yet here we are halfway through 2017 and we’re acting like what happened for the past year is just an illusion for me. I frequently wonder what happened, how are you, does it pain you like it’s crushing me? Truthfully, I am not even mad at you. I understand you. I understand that what we had was difficult. I understand that having someone but not literally having someone is a losing battle. A battle against despair, longing and loneliness. I just hope you gave me much more credit that I would understand whatever reason you had. I’ve known you for a man who would stand by his words. I am devastated that I am wrong. Again. It saddens me that our second time was just like our first. A failure. And I know that I have my fair share of shortcomings. I was very clingy. I was bothered with all of the smallest things that I clearly shouldn’t have minded. And it consumed me. Uncertainty. Insecurity. I gladly embraced the connection I thought we had and held it so tight it might have smothered you. Or maybe this is the way of the universe to tell us that we are never meant for each other. This is my painful realization.

Goodbye and I wish you all the best.

Always,

VVD

——
ABOVE PHOTO FROM Tatiana VIA PEXELS.COM

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4 Habits Successful People Have

“Successful people never ask if things will work. They are willing to try and find out.” -Brad Gosse

4 Habits Successful People Have

Open-Minded

A narrow-headed person always creates petty fights everywhere he goes, because he never listens. Successful people actually listen a lot, in fact, their words are always few, they tend to  be the listener most of the time, because they want to get innovative ideas from other people .
Don’t be too skeptic or doubtful, and carefully weigh your words before you throw them, because you won’t get any wiser if you always choose to be the talker, remember, your ears are two compared to your only one mouth.  So remember to listen twice as much as you speak.

Be curious, not judgmental. -W. Whitman

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Risk-taker

You know that uncertain paths might lead to wasteful end or regretful mistakes. However, when you won’t choose to take weighed risks, you will never go anywhere, and you can never change where you are, obviously. Studies show that elderly people regret most of what they didn’t do than what they actually did even if it went shoddily. So take risks. You only live once. Make the best of it. Life consists of numerous trials and errors.

The real risk is doing nothing.

Positive

Nobody has a positive life with a negative mind. True enough, you know a good and successful person if that person always bless. His words are full of positive thoughts, encouragement, and motivation, and whenever he speaks, you just want to jump off from there, and run back to your life, and try to fix it and start all over again. That’s the effect of a truly successful person. Successful people are eager to teach someone to be successful, too.
Positivity is a choice. Like happiness, it cannot be found outside us, but within us lies positivity. Remember to be like the protons, ALWAYS POSITIVE. 🙂

I will go anywhere as long as it is forward. David Livingston

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Choose SUCCESS over EXCUSES

Robert Kiyosaki once said, “If you wan’t to be rich, don’t allow yourself the luxury of excuses.” True enough, every time we decide to start something we really wanted to do, like pursuing our post-grad education, or even the most ordinary deed like house chores, there will always be something blocking us from doing it, right? And we allow it, habitually. Like, “later if my kid gets 2, or later if I’m done watching insert the name of your favorite show.”

You can have RESULTS or EXCUSES. Not both.

FINAL THOUGHTS: Admit it or not, you always choose the luxury of excuses because there lies your ‘comfort zone’ where everything is good and easy. If you want to draw the line from becoming good to becoming great, help yourself. Remember, the harder, the better.

“When you want to SUCCEED as much as you want to BREATHE, then you’ll be SUCCESSFUL.” -Eric Thomas

Above photo from Helena Lopes via pexels.com

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10+ Signs You’ve Become a Better Version of Yourself

“The safest principle through Life, instead of reforming others, is to set about PERFECTING YOURSELF.” -B. R. Haydon

There are times in your life when you stop for a while and you try to assess yourself. Have you become better after all these years? Comparing to the “Past You,” do you think you have improved? Have you become the person you dream to be?
Self-evaluation from time to time will help us get ahead from our older selves and keep us in line with our goals and aspirations. So here is a check list to help us appraise ourselves.

ACCEPTING CRITICISMS POSITIVELY

Remember the time when a certain Teacher back in school tried to correct you and yet you didn’t actually listen because you think she was just mocking you in class? I once taught to students before, and it dawned on me that the only reason why teachers check their students is because they want them to be correct, nothing else.
This time is different. Now you think healthy criticisms will make you better and will help you improve your skills in your career. That’s why, you accept them whole heartedly and happily even if sometimes it crushes your bones.

LOOKING DOWN ON A PERSON ONLY WHEN YOU ARE TRYING TO HELP THEM

“We rise by lifting others.”

When we were younger, social status was so important to us that at least once, we tried choosing our friends from the status they’re in (especially during grade school). As you mature, social status doesn’t matter to you at all. The only time you look down on someone is when you are trying to pull them up; to get in their shoes to better understand them. You only think the best way to help them is to know where they were coming from and try to start from there.

BECOMING EVEN CLOSER TO THE CREATOR

Right now, you believe the indispensable truth that there is a Creator of everything you see in the world. You perfectly know that without His guidance, you will not be able to get by even in a single day or two. You believe that wherever you are and whatever you are doing, you know that He is with you at all times keeping you safe and guiding you through the perfect path He prepared for you.

NOT MINDING OTHER’S OPINION OF YOUR CHOICES IN LIFE

I can’t tell tell you the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone. Ed Sheeran

Now that you have grown maturely, opinion of other people doesn’t matter to you at all especially when you are making your own decisions. Only yours and your love ones’ opinion matter now. That being said, you realize that people will always talk behind your back even when things are done or not. So you just mind your own business instead, and focus your target straight through your goals with a bull’s eye.

TAKING CONTROL OF YOUR OWN MONEY

“The goal isn’t more money. The goal is living life on your terms.”

Now that you know how hard money is earned, you are not easily get carried away when you see a SALE sign posted on the walls of your favorite stores. You prioritise the need to meet your own necessities first, and thinking of saving a bigger amount, before cashing out money to buy your dream Chanel or Fendi bag or that MK watch you kept on seeing since last month. Compared to the past you, right now, you know how important money is and how a single refusal from your “wants” can move mountains if you put it in a good investment. Now you’re thinking of investing some amount of money for the future and you’re also considering long-term goals, even excited about joining retirement plans.

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CELEBRATING YOUR FAMILY’S UNIQUENESS

Before, when you see a happy, well-heeled family, you know from your heart you also want your family to be like that, and you get so envy you over compared your own family’s capability of providing for your needs. But this time is different, you realise the value of your family and you are proud of every effort they make. Now you know how different families are, and you know that no amount of money can buy your own family’s concord. You also know that whatever it is you are doing right now, it is because you have an ultimate goal for your family to jubilate later on.

ENJOYING THE COMPANY OF YOUR OWN SELF

KEEP CALM CAUSE I LOVE TO BE ALONE

Right now, “Me” time is no fuss to you. You even enjoy going to the mall alone, or walking leisurely in the park, or even traveling alone. You don’t have any problem going solo because you have turned into an independent, self-supporting person that you are right now.

TREASURING YOUR OLD FRIENDS & TAKING CARE OF NEW ONES

It takes time and some amount of hurdled hills to know who your real friends are. Luckily, you have your own friends and true enough, you have let time decide whether who’s staying or not. You know how important some minutes of Skype calls compared to long hours of chitchats when you were together. Even if you don’t talk constantly, and you are miles apart, you know from your heart that your friendship has gone through hard times that no amount of distance can separate you.

BEING OPEN-MINDED

Open our mind before your mouth.

Right now you believe that the world is changing so fast that almost everyday a breakthrough is being invented. What has been true before, might not be true today. So you become more adaptive to situations right now and you are open to sudden changes. You believe that even if others’ thoughts are not the same with yours, you know how important it is knowing that they have their own intellectuality and you respect it.

MEETING NEW PEOPLE DOESN’T SCARE YOU

Good things happen when you meet strangers

Self-contentment is a thing majority of people believe will help them succeed, but actually, nobody realizes their goals unless they conspire with others. Hence, you know how important it is to become socially active. This time, meeting people is a pleasure. You get more interested by their own stories, rather than bragging about yourself. And when you see them again, you do not remember them by the clothes they were wearing that night but by the depth of conversation you had.

PRIORITIZING OTHERS & LEARNING HOW TO COMPROMISE

Compromise need not mean cowardice.

When you were younger, you believe that the only person you have to satisfy is yourself. So you were selfish and everything you did was for your own sake. This time, you know how important others are  as  you are, so you learn how to compromise. By this, you got kinder and more generous to other people. You know that you will not always get what you want because others should be placed first before yourself.
Asking yourself “what’s in it for me?” doesn’t matter sometimes because you believe that others have needs, too, so you deny yourself of your wants and needs.. Hence, you became more self-less and compassionate.

ASKING MORE QUESTIONS

Don’t be afraid of the answers, be afraid of not asking the questions. -Jennifer Hudson

I remember my classmate in language class, when he tried to belittle me because I kept asking questions. Later on I think he got his doom when he didn’t actually pass a certain exam. Asking questions will not be a matter of life and death to you right now because you know perfectly that asking questions doesn’t make you less of a person. You do not want to commit mistakes later on so you are just being proactive.

TAKING RESPONSIBILITY

When you choose your behavior, you choose your consequences. -Dr. Phil

You know very well that what you are doing right now will greatly dictate what you will become in the future. So even the slightest detail in your work or a big decision to make matter to you. You know that you are responsible for your own actions and words so you become more careful with what you do and say.

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NOT LIVING IN THE PAST

Here’s to the future because I’m done with the past.

Some of us think that we have already moved on from the past, however, little did we know that a small glimpse from the past, frequently thought of everyday means we are still living there. Now, try to reminisce, when was the last time you had a great achievement? Was it when you got your college diploma? Or just recently when you got a promotion? Or the other day when you dined out with your family? Whatever it is that we think is important to us, however big or small, matters. However, when we look back and think that the past is better than today, well, maybe you have to re-evaluate yourself.

FINAL THOUGHTS: Being better than we were before entails a lifetime commitment. It is not a pill which we can take tonight and hola! tomorrow we transform. No. It takes time to learn and change for the better, but one thing is for sure, it will all start from a DECISION.

 

Above photo from rawpixel.com via pexels.com

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11 Life Lessons From A Soldier’s Perspective

As I read the entries, I realized, marami pa akong hindi alam sa buhay, I should really ponder on these things and actually discern kung nagagawa ko bang maging mabuti, to outgrow my immaturity and to become a better version of myself. Be positive! Fight! Fight!

This is an article contributed by a close friend of mine who happens to be a Junior Officer in the Philippine Army.

Read On:

***

1. Respect and love your parents

Kasi mga magulang mo sila kahit na anong mangyari. Cherish every moment with them.

2. Make good and unforgettable memories with your siblings

Ang mga kapatid, walang kapalit din yan..I n short, mahalaga talaga ang foundation ng family.

3. Pagdating sa friends, habang tumatanda tayo, real friends will remain

Iba ang friends sa magkakilala lang.

4. Learning never stops

Dapat as early as now, pinapahalagahan mo na ang mga natutunan mo. Para pagdating ng panahon, mai-apply mo nang tama.. Also, as we grow old, maiisip natin na lahat ng mga nangyayari sa atin, may lessons learned iyan.

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5. A good heart will never fade

Attitude matters talaga.. Pwedeng mag-fade away ang physical beauty, pero ang ugali ng isang tao, hndi makakalimutan.. Masama man or mabuti, diyan ka maaalala.. sa ugali mo..

6. Simplicity is beauty

Minsan maisip mo na okay rin pala kahit simple ka lang. Nasa confidence mo iyan. Makikita mo kasi ang beauty ng tao kapag wala siyang kahit na anong gamit or suot, through her smile , or through her eyes.. Ganun lang..

7. Life is simple

Do not over-stress yourself. Hindi mo naman kailangan patulan lahat ng issues na naririnig mo. Malulungkot ka lang. Kung hindi naman big deal, huwag ka dapat maging affected.

8. Be humble

Kung talagang may pagkakamali ka, embrace it and learn to say sorry. Be humble. Tao lang tayo, walang perfect sa atin. Lahat may mga failures and pagkakamali.

9. Gaano man kahirap or kasakit ang dinaranas mong mga problema, tuloy pa rin ang buhay

Depende lang iyan kung paano ka lumaban and paano mo i-handle ang mga problema mo.. Okay lang umiyak.. Ilabas mo lang. Ang importante fighting ka pa rin. Sabi nga doon sa Dont quit, REST IF YOU MUST BUT DONT YOU QUIT.

10.

Kahit gaano man kataas ang mga pangarap natin and kahit gaano man kalayo ang mga narating natin sa buhay, babalik and babalik tayo sa simpleng buhay kasama ang family natin. Time will come na masaya na tayo sa isang scenic view, drinking coffee.. Iyong tipong marealize mo na at least nakaya mo ang lahat.. Simple lang.. Pero masaya.

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11. Self-love is important

Self-love includes self respect and self-esteem.. Kasi kung darating sa point na mararamdaman mong wala nang ngmamahal sayo, at least maisip mo na mahal mo pala ang sarili mo. Kapag nakita ng ibang tao na you have self-respect, they will also respect you.. and tsaka mo lang masasabing kaya mo nang magmahal ng iba kapag you have already given enough love for yourself.. walang ibang magmamahal sayo kundi sarili mo lang din.

Topmost photo is a derivative of an original photo taken from Pineapple Supply Co. via pexels.com

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Caps Lock CIL: The Unrequited Love

“Cupid sometimes runs out of arrows and only shoots one person instead of two.”

Once in our life, we experience loving someone without the knowledge of the person. We know how stupid the idea is, but we cannot help but choosing loving from a distance, because, at least, from there, we could express our feelings. Here is one good epitome of someone who chose to love from afar, and hoped, at least for once, that her love will be reciprocated.

(This article was originally published in The Corps Magazine, the Philippine Military Academy’s Cadet Corps Magazine, Alumni Issue 2013. Original title: “CAPS LOCK”)

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Caps Lock

by Nuela Gracia F. Posadas

As we drive along the zigzag mud, I prayed to God
to keep this off my chest. I guessed He did, at least for a while.
Maybe I am unconsciously drawn to your world.
Maybe I do too, at the very rarest of times.
I believe that I belong to you as immediate family.
And this feeling attacks when I least expect it
When I am not in my best dress, When I did not get to shower,
and when I did not have the COURAGE to tell you.
And so I go on with my routine in life
smiling when not supposed to, running countless miles
to maintain my Superman strength disguised by my stick thin body,
juggling everything is served before me,
carrying that INTEGRITY you were always preaching excessively.
I become too preoccupied to even think about it, or perhaps about myself.
And yes, one day at a time, I go on with my random life;
lazing around in the mornings, skipping meals,
sleeping until my head hurts, and thinking about you until my heart breaks.
Yes, I think about you. I think about you all the time.
I sustain my LOYALTY to you even if I don’t have to,
even if there seems to be no apparent reason.
You, instead, go on with your life unaware of the single soul
wide awake on your lower bunk,
writing this note for the source of her unreciprocated love.
You go on…
You go on without the slightest idea.

***

“At least even for a little while, I was the reason behind your smile.”

Above Photo via picjumbo.com

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The Break-Up Story

Chapter 1: The Day I Got Over You

Chapter 2: The Art of Moving On

Chapter 3: Where Do Broken Hearts Go?

Chapter 4: To The Person Who Broke My Heart

Chapter 5: When Letting Go Is The Only Choice

After realizing I did everything to work things out, and tried to make amendments and bargain, I realized, I was so stupid to have gotten into this kind of situation, and staying in it for a bit longer. The worst part was, I was the only one who tried to fix everything. I was the only one who gave enough effort to put things back together. Because from the day you told me that you needed space, I never heard from you again.

Please do not blame me for letting us go on our separate ways, because from the time I felt you were getting cold, to the point that you never contacted me for a long time, it’s as if you just abandoned me. You never told me what you really wanted, you never asked me to listen or to understand you, you just left me hanging, and wondering what really went wrong. I’m sorry for doubting you for some time, because I believe, I also deserve some explanation.

The saddest part in our break-up was you didn’t tell me what went wrong, and what made you go. It’s more than acceptable to let you go knowing that you fell out of love, or you met someone else along the way. But we never had any discussion; and right now, that makes me even more aggressive to want to talk to you.

I know, it’s a bit absurd and unnecessary to communicate my feelings or doubts to you because that’s very pointless. The damage has been done, and I think, the only way I can do is to move on and let you go.

Lying in my cold room in this hot afternoon, I can see the sun rays penetrating through my glass doors, as I try to let go of my worries, I got up, and I realized there’s more to life than being worried sick or being lonely. I stood up in front of my study table, and for the nth time that I’m seeing this poster, I realized it has a point.

On my wall, written in bold letters, Someday, Someone will walk into your life, and make you realize, why it never worked out with anyone else.
I know, I never had any choice at all, because all you wanted was your life without me in it, and I know, you never want to see me again. I love you, or I must say, I loved you, but you chose to leave me, and I think it’s time to move on.

“You let go a long time ago, and I realize that, it’s time for me to do the same.”

Above photo from Matheus Bertelli via pexels.com

The Art of Moving On

The Break-Up Story

Chapter 1: The Day I Got Over You

Chapter 2: The Art Of Moving On

Sitting by the doorway of my veranda connecting to my room, I grabbed the hot cup of coffee which I transferred in a wide-mouthed mug, I just let my skin feel the heat from the sun rays while holding my mug with both hands; and just let my palms feel the warmth of it, as I smell that distinct aroma. I realized, this day, I know I’m whole again.

Weeks have passed since I decided to move on, and get back on my feet. However impossible it was to survive a single day, I tried. I wasn’t sure if I will be able to get there, but I know for a fact I will. I cried my heart out, and just let myself feel that sharp and throbbing pain coming from my chest, radiating to my arms and gut, because the thought of you leaving is what I dreaded ever since.

This time, I realized you will no longer be with me, because I know, I am not your happiness. Looking back from all the things we did, and all the memories we shared, I know this may also give you pain, however difficult it is, I’m sure, you will no longer look for my comfort.

My life has been meaningful while I was with you, but thanks to all the pain I got, and the tears I shed, because now, I can see clearly. You were not the man for me, and this time, I’ve already accepted it.

What helped me moved on? I can’t really recall. What I did was to take one day at a time. One day at a time to feel that excruciating pain I got from breaking up with you. One day at a time to smile, no matter how difficult it was, I still did. One day at at time to put away all the things which reminded me of you, and one day at a time to feel stronger as I try to survive one day at a time.

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Days have passed, I didn’t notice how the days gone so swiftly. I never intended to make others think I was not affected by our break up, but I just promised myself, I never want to be alone physically, as I try to forget you. So I decided to surround myself with people. I let them decide where to eat, what to do, or where to go. Because without them, I won’t be able to have any direction. We never talked about it because I asked them not to. I just faked my smiles, joined them with their loud laughters, and wore that party hat. Because I believe, no matter how difficult others will understand, I believe that I don’t owe anybody any explanation on how to fix myself. I just wanted to be okay.

Every single day I tried, no matter how difficult it was. I faked my smiles and laughters. I decided to be okay, and just keep on faking it…. until I made it… and now, I’m whole again…

Above photo from it’s me neosiam via pexels.com

Continue Reading: Where Do Broken Hearts Go?

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The Day I Got Over You

 

The Break-Up Story

Chapter 1: The Day I Got Over You

As I remember it vividly, thoughts from the past dawned on me, and had me pull over my sheets and attempted to curl my knees directing it to my whole heart, hoping not to feel that pain again. Thanks to the cool temperature of my AC, I almost had my flashback perfect as I feel the chill penetrating deep inside my bones, as if I am inside a cold and dark dungeon. As I try to remember it, I thought I wasn’t ready, but thanks to all the days I was just getting by; and those months I tried to bury every hurt that thrust my heart every now and then, because then, I’ve gotten perfectly strong and insurmountable.

The -5degC frostiness of my room woke me up, I tried to relax and just let my feelings drift me away. I was expecting to cry for a while, but this time, I wasn’t in the mood to cry again… because this time was different. I stretch my arms and legs and as I try to feel my heart beat, I wasn’t sure I was fine, but I still got up from my bed, turned off the AC, and pulled the curtains of my veranda to see the sun shining and feeling its heat right in my face.

As I see the same men down the building from my 4th floor hotel room, having their regular morning exercise, the wind blew my cheeks. As it flies my hair away from its place, I started to feel again. I thought, this time was different. I thought, this time it will only be me. A world full of colors and happiness as I try to put you aside and lock you behind the bars of the past. This time, this life is about me, and this time, it just occurred to me that the future belongs to me, without you in it.

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As I smell the coffee brewing from my handy coffee press, I smell tomorrow as if I am huge, and indestructible. Remembering all the thoughts which made me stayed between being alive and being dead, I realize you really do not belong to me anymore, and that’s fine. Because this time, myself belongs to me.
As I drink the caffeine, slowly tasting its very taste, I tasted bitterness and sweetness which made me think that this is really what I need. Fusing two entities of positivity and negativity, and getting used to it as I try to get back on my feet.

This time, I woke up, and I just realized, I just got over you.
The dayI got over you….
…is the day I stopped thinking of our future together
…is the day I stopped hoping about us
…is the day I think of you without being hurt
…is the day I think of related things about you, but it doesn’t hurt anymore
…is the day I can think of things without thinking of you
…is the day I can think clearer about my future without you in it
…is the day I woke up, and I’m happy again

Above photo from Trinity Kubassek via pexels.com

CONTINUE READING: The Art of Moving On

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To Moving Forward

It’s been a while since my last post. Oh ‘a while’ would literally mean almost over a year. I’ve been swamped with school and work, and how my 2017 started with the death of my father really left me hanging there. I know and I’m sure it will take my whole life to accept it, and I really don’t know how to face my future without my best friend, my knight in shining armor–my father. Actually, I really don’t know how to be okay anymore.

From the day of my father’s passing, I really do not know how to pick up the pieces. I remembered my Mom, and my brother. They’re all I’ve got and I have all our lives to show them how I really love them; also, I have a loving boyfriend who stands by me all these years, and his family who loves us like their own. I am really thankful to all our friends and family (you know who you are, again, Thank You) who never left us during those times when we cannot see any light leading to a ‘tomorrow’.

This time, I want to start again with my blog with what keeps me going every single day. I’m that type of a person who writes her thoughts on a notebook/journal and actually re-read it after a while when nothing seems to be right anymore. Days passed, I found myself Google-ing motivational quotes to actually hit me through the face and keep me pumped up for at least the rest of the day. So everyday, without miss, I am actually reading quotes from Google to give me motivation for the whole day. At least, one day at a time.

Then I remembered, I have this blog, I think I could use some posts to actually use as my sounding board or receptacle to what I am going through right now.

As I write this entry, my heart is full of gratitude, especially to our Almighty God who is keeping us hopeful and who is giving us strength after all these endeavors.  I am nothing without Him, and I really won’t make it without God’s guidance.

From this day forward, I want to start sharing daily dose of motivation not just for the readers, but especially for me. At least, I want to be okay.

If you are still reading at this point, you might happen to be a close friend of mine or a person who knows me personally, or may be, someone who is also going through a rough time just like me. I hope you may find this useful.

I will start off with this quote,

“The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide you’re not going to stay where you are.” — John Pierpont Morgan

I just lost my hero, my father. But that doesn’t keep the fact that I still have another parent to love. I know that my Dad loved us so much, he did everything to give us a better life, and protected us from every possible pain we might ever encounter. I don’t know how to be okay, or how to accept this reality of not actually seeing my Dad when I go home, but I realized, maybe, God had him retire from this life because he had already completed his mission–that is to love us and dedicate his entire life giving us a comfortable life. My dad was the greatest hero I will ever have, I love him so much and I still think and dream about him.

My Dad is now resting in heaven. But my Mom is still with us, and I love her, too. She did everything to take care of my Dad until his last breath, and I am thankful because she never gave up. She guides us through the path of healing. I thank the Lord for having a tough Mom, and I want to show to her how much she means to me.

The quote says enough. The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide you’re not going to stay where you are. True enough. I don’t want to stay here and mourn about my father’s death, instead, I want to celebrate because I had a loving Dad who fought the toughest battles for his family. I want to remember my Dad laughing, fetching me from school or from the Hospital after my shift’s done, or being on a long ride, him being the driver which means I’ll have a pretty sound sleep, knowing that my Dad was driving the whole time. I want to remember him with that dimples on his cheeks when he smiles, and with his warm and reassuring hugs that everything will be alright. I want to remember his daily messages telling me to take care always–I mean literally, everyday he did that; or not to eat a lot of icecream because if I do, my throat might sore. I want to remember how I learned how to play the guitar when I was 13 because, hell yeah he was some kind of a pro every time he strung that guitar; or how I learned to drive a manually driven car because he told me, only a few girls can drive a manually operated car and he said, he would be so proud if I am one of those few genius ladies who can blend the clutch and the gas pedals while driving on a hill. I want to remember his faith and trust on me. He was the first person who believed in me, who wrote my first dreams, who made me feel like I can always be better, and I am worthy of being someone.

I know that I will never see his face anymore, but I know he is just around watching us from above.

Thank you so much, Pa, for everything. I promise, not to stay like this. I promise to move forward, and continue all the dreams you have for me. I promise we will take care of Mama. I love you so much, Pa. Sending all my love to you in heaven.
From Your Only Daughter,  Kim

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